|Current mood:|| mellow|
|Current music:||The television|
Ever heard of someone who seems plain, boring, and calm on the outside, but inside is just bursting at the seams with rampant thoughts? The story of my life.
I'm an 18 year old girl who goes to a local community college and works as a barista at a local Starbucks. I'm currently taking Bio 101, Psych 201, Art 121, and Math 166. Work is okay; I have fun with my coworkers, but I really don't want to work at Starbucks for the rest of my life. If I did, I'd probably die from a heart attack at age 22. Most people tend to think that either I'm a super-nervous antisocial person or I'm a stuck-up snob bitch. I'm neither. Actually, I tend to be quiet when meeting new people and analyze them before involving myself in a conversation. That's just the way I am. So if you ever meet me, and I'm staring at you yet not saying a word, I'm just trying to see what you're like. I'm most likely trying for you to not see me while I'm looking at you.
I'm also a tad paranoid. This lovely little condition has been given to me by my mother (whom I honestly do love dearly), although since I haven't been through what she's been through, my paranoia is a bit more under control. That, and my father is a very grounded, skeptical person. Yeah, I'm skeptical too. Don't get me wrong, I don't always look at the glass as half empty (unless we're talking about a quality of myself), but I like to see both sides of an issue before coming through with a conclusion. This is a tad hard to do sometimes, because I don't always get to see the other side; therefore I just say "I don't know." God, I say that a lot. lol.
Another fun quality I got from my mother is obsessive-compulsive disorder. Notice how every sentence is captilized, ended with a punctuation mark, and used with the best grammar the writer has to offer? Again, it's very mild, but it's [highly] annoying. You see those "friends, profile," etc., links to the left? Yeah, that's driving me insane. Why? Because they're all lowercase. They aren't capitalized. And I don't know how to fix it. It's not that bad, though. I can let it go, just like I let most things go. It's just irritating, like a 2 year old standing next to me, poking me over and over and over and over again with his tiny little finger which I'm tempted to break into 13 tiny little fragmented pieces... heh. Dark humor, sorry. If you actually continue reading this periodically, you'll see that a lot. XD
Anyway! Enough about myself. I currently have a boyfriend, Tony, whom I care for very much. I sometimes have to wonder what he really thinks about me, and unfortunately, I don't want to come across as horribly paranoid, so I never ask him about it. I just really don't want to be one of those girls that gets all obsessed with their boyfriend and always trying to be with him when he doesn't actually like her as much as she likes him... been there, done that, still getting over it. I mean, all relationships have a 50-50 chance of either working out or not working out. I guess I better start getting used to getting "old." I guess I just don't understand that concept, because people grow on me. I'll like them at first (or in my ex's case, not like them) and they just grow on me. And the more time I spend with them, the more time I get to either like them or not like them. In the case of both my past and current boyfriend, my feelings have become stronger with time. I guess it's a trust issue. I like a guy, but don't trust him.. the more I get to know him, the more I trust him, and the stronger my feelings get. Then, when I get old, I get dumped, and my heart tears in two. Then the trust barrier goes back up. Are all girls like this?...
Well, that's my introduction. I'll post more rants later.