| Current mood: | bewildered |
| Current music: | Del Amitri, Just Getting By |
thoughts
You're listening to: :Just Getting By by Del Amitri
Aren't musical diaries fun? Big thanks to the person who taught me how to do that. I forgot their FOD name, ignorant as that is. I think I am going to play songs instead of doing my usual playlists from now on. If you want to know how, I'll gladly tell you as best as I can because we all know I am a bit on the retarded side. LOL.
So, I've talked to MG again. This time I don't know. I'm iffy on things now. I doubt I'd say that if I saw him in person, but he's just really different on the phone-way serious. But I guess that's okay. I mean this is only the second time we've spoken on the phone, and I know I come off as a retard or a bitch when I talk to him because my nerves just totally take over me and somehow I've got to get rid of that if I have any hope of talking about more than the job I'm trying to hook him up with.
Anyways. Yeah so I called him Saturday and left a message and he called me back Tuesday, which is a good sign. He calls back and leaves messages. Good stuff. He sounded a bit nervous on my voicemail, but hey that's okay. I know I am nervous even when I am actually speaking to him.
So I told him that if he does get hired w/ the company I work for that I'll get some dinero out of it. So he said I'd have to buy him some drinks at the bar then. I was joking and said if it lasts until I see you, and actually I was kidding, but I don't think my sense of humor is something he's used to. I'm a smart ass. People just have to get used to that. I say a lot of things very seriously and people just don't realize I'm jacking around. I guess I shouldn't expect him to, we don't know each other (hopefully I can insert the word "yet" here). Anyways. I guess it's kind of a good sign that he said I'd have to buy him drinks at the bar-meaning I'd have to talk to him and such while I'm there, right?
God I am so not used to this shit. I mean, actually having to put effort into this sort of thing. I do not have trouble meeting men, like at all. Seriously. And I've made out with tons of people and done way more than I ever did with him, yet he's the one that I find myself really attracted to. One thing I do like is how he always thanks me very specifically at the end of our conversation and tells me that he appreciates me helping him out. Told ya'll he's nice LOL. I just don't know. My friend says that my best route to go is to get comfortable with him and be friends, and then see about more. Which seems to make sense. I just hope that my patience will allow me to do that. Anyways, enough about him for one day. Although I must say I think half the reason I am awkward w/ him is because we have kissed and such and at one time were interested in each other but nothing happened. I think that was our friends' fault. I don't know. I guess I shall see someday maybe. Blah.
F things. This song is really something that makes me think of him. It's sad. Del Amitri is awesome for sad stuff. I have been on a huge kick with them lately. Me and music from other countries I swear. It's just my thing.
God I'm cranky. Damn PMS is so much harder when I'm not taking the Pill.
I thought I might have an F situation yesterday. My phone went off around 10 am and he's usually the only person who calls me around that time of day, and esp since it was a Tuesday and that was generally when I'd see him. I couldn't check it right away, so I sat there and thought until I could. I am just not ready to be friends with him yet. I don't know if that'd work b/c I think if we saw each other chances are good we'd sleep together again and that's not going to help me let go of his ass any sooner. I think that's why I've taken another detour into the land of irresponsibility too. I was doing so well for awhile there, I'd cut way back on the drinking and especially the drinking and driving and had only been with F since November (and that's pretty amazing for me) but I can't help but think about him a lot. And when I do I feel less than happy, which is to be expected. So whenever I have the chance, I act out and get drunk and act stupid and drive home with the music blaring Fake Plastic Trees and pull up next to 5 cops less than a mile from my house and pray that they don't decide that I need to be checked out. Well I did that Saturday at least, the details of that scenario of course are subject to change. I just love escaping reality because anymore it hasn't seemed to be too friendly to me. Anyways when I am drinking, I don't think about any of that stuff and it's nice just to take a mental vacation until I wake up the next morning and feel like all of hell is enclosed in the 5'2 inches of my body. Even then though, I feel better. I guess my ego and self confidence just took a major blow when things didn't go my way with him, so now I'm back into all the self destructive behaviors that make me so charmingly (or something) me.
I don't know why but this entry has come out way longer than I'd intended. Rock the hell on. I think I am gonna go now. Leave notes people, I think they're saying again. At least it let me save one to Crystalia which is always a good thing. I'm going to go eat a fajita. Yum.
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