|Current mood:|| sad|
I went from writing multiple times a day, to not writing at all. Thats weird of me. My sister and I went to see Mona Lisa Smile yesterday, and we bonded. I'm really glad she is finally at the age where we can be best friends ... and we are. I can really talk to her about things, and she loves me anyway. lol.
What makes a friend ? I've been thinking about this alot today, and i guess it'll help to write about it. Is a friend just someone you care about or does it have to be more than that? Does there have to be a connection there, like a chemistry kinda. I guess i decided that a friend is someone that you just care about and enjoy spending time with some, but a best friend is when there is that connection, that chemistry.
-----mom is yelling at me to come upstairs, be right back ---------
OMG ! I just got completely reemed. I knew i did a very stupid thing, but i didn't think it would deserve that kind of yelling. Wow. See, this morning i was going to pick up michelle from her friends house, and my dad had parked behind me in the driveway. Well, no one ever parks behind me, so i didn't look - yeah, you guessed it, i hit his truck. DUMB , i know. Well, my dad did the same thing last year to mom's van, so i knew he would understand and not get too mad. Wrong. He just blessed me out. OMG. He said it wasn't because i hit his truck it was because how fast i must have been going. Well, i was just backing up and he was just 4 feet behind me, I wasn't going that fast. I got this whole lecture about how stupid i am and how bad of a driver i am and how i drive to fast - granted i do sometimes drive to fast - but how can you speed in your driveway ??? The whole thing lasted forever in the front yard where EVERYONE could hear him. He even said that I was lucky I haven't killed any kids in the neighborhood and that I was sposed to be more mature than this and blah blah blah. Well, i just stood there and let him yell , fighting tears. Then when he left i went back inside and sat down in the den and i just couldn't help it. The floodgates just opened up. So i ran down to my room so that no one could have the satisfaction of seeing me cry. It was one of those cries that hardly ever happen, with the sobbs and the hard breathing, it was awful. But i just couldn't stop. It was like a weeks of frustration and hurt just came out and it took a stupid incident like this to do it. I knew that i could only handle so much. Then my mother came down here to tell me she and grandmommy were leaving. She didn't even care that i was so upset. Told me that it wasn't that bad, and to get my feelings off my shoulders. GOD. I was crying so hard that i couldn't talk and she tellls me to get my feelings off my shoulders ! UGH ! She just didn't care. She didn't even give me the chance to explain that it was about more than the stupid accident reeming I got, it was about everyhting. It was about that i hate being home and i really don't like my family (cept Katie) and I just wanna go away back to school and never ever come home again. I would have given anything just to be able to talk to her about it - i used to could talk to her about things. SO after she left my room i cried even harder because of her. Wow. i guess it had to come out sometime.
Well, sorry i didn't finish my discussion about friendship - i got kinda sidetracked. My mood is completely shot for the day and i have a headache from crying so much. I hate being home. I don't know how to deal with it. Sometimes i worry about myself.