em (grayeyes) wrote, @ 2005-07-07 01:59:00

I miss you, Blurty, you stupid jerk.

I feel so tied to you because so much of myself has been left in this damn journal but you frustrate me. You're slow. When you load at all. I'm a child of the 90's and not inclined to wait. Neither is anyone else, it seems, since most of the people on my friends list have abandoned you for your big bad cousin LiveJournal. Which I hate.

Man, B, I'm looking forward to a time when people can ask me what's new, what's been going on and I can say, "Mm, nothing much" and mean it for more than a few months.

My friend Graham died a little over a week ago. I'm over talking about it since I'm tired of feeling like a fragile, weepy girl and then talking to people about my fragile, weepy girlness. Some days are better than others. The days that I don't see Morwenna (his fiancé), for example, are fine. While days that I do see her -- which has been every day lately -- find me in tears at least once. How long do you grieve for someone you've lost? A week? A month? Forever? And why do people tell you to be happy for them or think that "he's in a better place" is in any way comforting? It's fucking not. Shut up. These last few weeks have been so so sad but really amazing. For the first five days after I heard, I shut myself off from the world; I couldn't deal with sharing my grief. When I finally emerged from my cocoon of sorrow on Wednesday night I was greeted with tears and bearhugs and an overwhelming feeling of closeness to the rest of my friends and I almost regretted closing myself off from them for so long.

So that happened.

My uncle has cancer. Super duper progressed and metastasized, apparently, like Suzi's was last year. Plus he doesn't have health insurance. Sixty years old and no health insurance. Nice, John. Responsibility was never one of his strengths.

So there's that too.

I dunno. It's not all bad. It's mostly good, in fact, it's just those few really bad things that kind of cast a shadow over everything else.


I just thought I should update you, Blurty, on the goings on in my life. So there you go.


Blurty friends, I still read you. Just so you know.

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