| Current music: | alternating between the radio &The Prom |
TBS on the radio.... ALK3 was on earlier. Y101 steals my bands. Hey, fuck you, Y101!!
I won't play the parts you assigned me anymore. I won't be manipulated, &I won't be molded to fit anyone's fuckin' ideas of perfection. I will be happy again, because this fuckin' s_u_c_k_s, &we're all the same again...
&do you have any idea how wrong I was to think that true enlightenment comes only from depression?
I'll continue to keep oblivious to the 'real' world, &when I see car crashes, I'm gonna gawk like everyone else. Then I'm gonna turn back towards the asphalt and continue singing along to the radio. Continue counting exits. &I won't think twice. I won't go on a long rampage about how desensitized the media has turned me.
'cause in the end, I'm a stupid fuckin' kid who doesn't know what I'm talking about, just like every-fuckin'-one else.
I'll smile again, &I won't care if I don't look cool.... because I'm just fuckin' not cool, &why bother with the facade anymore?
I'll go to the mall, &I'll laugh at all you idiots, then go buy some fuckin' candy ciggarettes &diet pepsi &talk too loudly in the record store again. -just like last year-
I miss my friends. God, I miss everything. But I won't come crawling back. I won't come groveling back. no-no-no-no-no-no.
but it all comes down to this -
I'm glad to be home, 'cause while I love the outer banks in their abandoned, stormy beach glory, there's *nothing* quite like being welcomed home by the poluted wasteland that is downtown Richmond, VA. I'm never leaving, 'cause I fuckin' love this city &I have no idea why.
I'm happy. I'm fine with being totally alone. Yeah, I'm completely fine with this. For a little while at least. &If I wanted you so badly, I'd just go out there.... but you're not worth it.
-maddie
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