|Current mood:|| contemplative|
|Current music:||silence (christy is sleeping...shhh)|
with this cold...
im not really happy about the sneezing/itchy eyes/stuffy nose thing that i have going here....at all. i hope florida makes me feel better. did u hear that? i said florida! florida florida florida! in 2 days...yes only 2 days left. u could say that im ecstatic about it but that would be an understatement. i wouldnt even care where i was going like i could be going to antarctica for all i care as long as i get out of here for a couple of days. u kno how people who are on reality shows are all like "omg the emotions are so high wen ur on these shows"...well i feel like its the same thing in this dorm. and i already feel things more strongly than other people. its called passion. its not immaturity. its what makes me, me. i know alot of people dont exactly know who they are when they are 18 yrs old but i have a very strong and centered view on myself. i kno the aspects of me i like, that make me who i am..and i kno thier are aspects that i mite change. i dont need to do a lot of "discovering myself" bc ive already done alot. but one thing i definetly will not change, nor could i change if i wanted to would be my passion. i throw my entire self into people, i give them all of me. and so when i love people, i love deeply. but at the same time, wen i feel that they have hurt me or betrayed me in some way, it hurts deeply. some people might say that is dramatic, i wouldnt call it that. i dont really like trivial drama, but it doesnt upset me becuase most of the time i can see rite thru people from the begining and i expect thier drama. my passion on the other hand is just the way that i have to live my life, because i was born with it, i wouldnt say that it is drama. i would rather love people the way i do and be hurt by them then never understand the kind of love and compassion and connections that i feel and that i bring to friendships..i am also somewhat of a dicotomy (did i spell that rite?). becuase as much as i give people my all, as soon as they hurt me i pull it all back. its like once uve made a mistake, your done. ive decided im done with u and once i have decided that ill never come back. its very much all or nothing, and i dont think that ive given anyone a second chance ever in my whole life. i think maybe i need to change that, maybe i need to give some people second chances. its just that, most people cant understand the kind of hurt i feel wen i feel betrayed becuase they dont understand the kind of passion i have. and so i do my best not to be hurt more than once by one person. .... these are now things i will be thinking about for the rest of the day...fabulous... ok well i need to go get ready for class...byee