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Screams Mistaken For Laughter (ghost_on_stage) wrote,
@ 2003-12-02 14:22:00
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    Current mood: hungry

    My emoness comes from far far beyond..
    I was told by my mom that I used to be really emotional when I was a kid.
    OK, this whole conversation started when she noticed how down I was feeling the other day.
    I've told her that I'm not feeling good, emotionally. Then she went on talking crap and crap about how I shouldn't be feeling like that...then after that ended, she said that I have always been like that. Shy, really emotional (AKA cry-baby)..that I never cried when I was being beaten...but I only cried when I was talking about how I felt...or when I get pissed off...since I was a kid..
    She also told me that I used to bang my head on the wall really hard when I used to get REALLY pissed off...
    and I remember one time I was like 11 or 12 that I tried to pull my eyes out cause I was really pissed..
    and another time I was really close to drink I whole bottle of sleeping pills one night, but I started to shake and couldn't....still I feel like doing it, but not as bad as I did way back then...

    the point of this....is...that I'm bored and I feel down...and I remembered that, and made me realize that when people say that things will get better with time they aren't sure that's really going to happened...at least in my case it hasn't...and that I need proffesional help, but I'm too scared to ask my parents, or doctor..

    ---
    This morning while coming to school I was listening to Blind Guardian - Nightfall in Middle-Earth. Awesome heavy metal band, kick ass guiatarists...and the voice of the guy is so powerful
    ...and they have a song called "Blood Tears"..I don't understand the lyrics that well but the chorus is soo powerful and emotional that I almost brust into tears next to my mom.
    i think the chorus go, "and blood tears i cried, endless grief remaind inside"...I don't know why that part strikes soo hard on me, but it does...
    --------

    Welcome to my realm
    We are both condemned to live

    It's a dark fate
    (I can hear your calls
    I can hear your calls)
    THE ETERNAL LIFE

    I see it still burns
    Each night I cry in pain

    Alive
    Though the end appears my friend

    And blood tears I cry
    You've searched and you've found
    Cut off your old friends hand

    My mind's
    In frozen dreams
    The rotten flesh
    Of bitter lies
    Welcome to where time stands still
    Noone leaves and noone ever will


    Can't hold it
    It burns
    Each night I cry in pain


    And blood tears I cry
    Endless grief remained inside


    It seems so clearly
    Bent the bow
    Cause life in me is gone
    And a cruel wind's blowing cold
    In blame

    And life it shall wane
    Each night I cry in pain

    And blood tears I cry
    Endless grief remained inside
    Cut off your old friends hand
    --------

    WHOO HOO!!!...it's getting cold down here in FL...I LOVE IT!!



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