| Current mood: | So fucking tired I can't sleep |
| Current music: | "West End Girls" by the Pet Shop Boys |
I know I've been vewwy vewwy quiet. There's a reason; whether it's good or not is your own judgment.
Back at the end of July, right before I went on leave, I started seeing Ryan. I spent a great deal of my free time with him, leaving what very little was left (after work) to my four college classes and trying to maintain some semblance of a career (in the military, this is very different from simply showing up to work). That's why I wasn't writing before - it seemed like everything I had to say was building up and that I would neverbe able to write it all. So I'm making today a stop point.
Ryan and I are still quite together, with one snag. On the Sunday after Thanksgiving he was shipped out to Baghdad, and we only found out that Tuesday. For almost all of December, I was brave girl on the outside and very distraught person inside. I stayed in bed all the time but couldn't sleep, ignored schoolwork, and didn't clean my house. For all of January, I concentrated on getting my shit back together, dealing with school, preparing for the near future (I ship in May and still haven't received my assignment, have yearly and end-of-tour writeups), and still not cleaning my house.
Yesterday I started cleaning my house.
This is Ryan.
That is also Baghdad, in case you were wondering.
When Ryan is not smiling in a picture, he looks mean and scary. If you knew him in person, you'd find this as amusing as I do. (Read: he's a sweetheart and a softie.) This is Ryan, "I will kill you now" version.
Ryan also does an amazing Punisher. If you had seen this one live, you would have taken a couple steps backwards.
 
I still want to throw things when I think about the fact that he's over there. We had wonderful plans for the holidays. We had wonderful plans for everything. We still have plans...we have plans that include us having the rest of our lives to have holidays and all the rest. But as for right now, he probably won't be back here until after I've left for my next base; this is something that chews at me whenever I'm awake, and sometimes when I'm asleep. It is unbelievable how you can go from being alone to becoming so used to the constance presence of another person in your life that having them gone feels like someone just chucked you face-first onto the pavement.
And for levity's sake, this is what happens when trashed-ass people sing karaoke and try to take pictures. In picture number one, you have the Ensign, my boyfriend trying to sell Asahi beer, me, and Lanny. In picture number two, at bar number whatever (I *think* we started at the karaoke place), you have what the Japanese call PIG PIRE!
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