| Current mood: |  blah |
| Current music: | Dido - Thank You |
I need...
Hey there everyone...well primarily, I need sleep...but being a bit of an insomniac does make that hard from time to time, but swimming every day does help me out with that. Today, practices were tough! That's right...TWO practices...one at 6 am, and another at 3:30! How horrible is that?? Definitely very horrible...well I think I'm beginning to handle the practices better now, because every day I'm getting less and less tired afterward, though, I still do get fairly tired. Hopefully soon I'll start losing some fat and developing muscle...the main purpose of this whole adventure. But...anyway...Coach said that we swam about 10,000 yards today! Isn't that just sickening? I mean, like a football field is 100 yards, so that's like running the length of a football field 100 times! That's like 400 laps in the pool in a single day! It's no surprise that I ate so much when I came home today!
The rest of my day was fairly dead...or...actually I was fairly dead the rest of the day. Getting up an hour and 20 minutes earlier than normal does that to you. Nothing really exciting happened except that I was chosen to represent our school in some Interscholastic Competition in English in December. I have to write a short story or something that's under 500 words in an hour and a half. I'm not sure if I can keep a story that short, but I'll give it a shot. I also have to write a 100 word response to a quote. Oh, well...just another thing to add to my list of accomplishments for college, right?
I need more emotional strength! Being sleep deprived really effects that and it's getting harder and harder to act strong and happy all of the time. I'm sitting here right now, depressing myself by listening to Celine Dion and Dido. While I love them both with a passion, their music just makes me want to cry. I realized today that I'm going to be spending Christmas alone, and though I really am used to this...I don't know...now that I've like fully come to terms with my gayness and have dated guys, I guess I just thought that it'd be nice to have a boyfriend at Christmas time...someone to spend the holidays with, you know? I guess I'm just into all of that cheesy romantic stuff and everything, but still...I'm sure I'm not the only one. I think the best thing I can get for Christmas would be a pair of warm arms around me when I woke up that morning...not that I want some strange man to crawl into my bed in the middle of the night or anything like that. Sorry about all that...on Veterans Day (November 11) I broke up with my boyfriend of 10 months, and though I try to act like it doesn't bother me, it does, of course. I always feel...I guess anxious is the right word...when I don't have a boyfriend. It just makes me depressed because I feel like a loser or something...and it lowers my self-esteem even more than normal, if that's even possible.
I feel bad though, because today my best friend and her boyfriend broke up, and I could tell that she cared so much about him...so if you read this hunny...I love you! We'll get through this together! She did do the sweetest thing for me today, however...we were talking about our sadness and everything and then Christmas came up and she invited me to spend it with her and her mom...since my mom and I aren't really...close. I almost cried because it was just so sweet! I cry a lot though...especially lately...in fact, I'm crying right now. Oh well...my life just seems to be like some kind of bad, sad, and depressing soap opera...oh! And you know what else I need? More time in the day, because I don't have the time to go to school, then practice, and then come home and get all of my homework done! I really do have too much stress for my age...and I wouldn't be surprised if I get my first heart attack at 20! Anyway...
Ja'ne...and oyasumi min'na
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