| Current mood: |  sad |
| Current music: | Ryan's laughing |
*stretches and takes a sip of his water and starts to type*
I've been meaning to make this update and somehow I haven't had the time to. But I am now...
*runs a hand through his messy hair and stifles a yawn*
Jere asked me to marry him on Monday. I was totally shocked and I was kind of scared. I love him. And I do want to spend my life with him. But I don't want us to end like he and Matt did. He swears it won't. He says i'm his world, his life. I've never had anyone love me the way he does, and... I don't know. It's weird. Growing up all I ever really had was my mom and my sister. My dad and I have never been close and the day I told him I was bisexual was the day he said I was no longer his son. When Ryan came along his concern was that his only grandson would turn out gay. He tried so many times to convince my mom to adopt Ryan so he could have a "better life". I am fully capable of being a father to Ryan. I don't really know how he'll be when he's older but I can say that I love him and always will. If he can't accept me then I won't hesitate to send him to live with my parents if it would make him happy. I really do wish he had a mom who cared about him, But she couldn't deal with a kid and she couldn't really love him. I do. I have so much love for him I can't explain it. He's beautiful and I'd give my life for his happiness.
*leans back in his chair and reads over what he's typed*
I do have a point to all this rambling. My point is that though it has taken 22 years, my life is finally starting to figure itself out. I have the best family and friends that anyone could ask for. I can't stress enough the fact that if it wasn't for my friends I wouldn't be alive today. It's cheesy and stupid, but true. I can't help it.
Thanks
Benji, Joel, Chris, Jere, Tony, Nick, Matt, Quinn, Kelly, Nadja, Seb
Back to Jere. I am in love with him. There's no denying it and I'm sure it's more than obvious. I was on the phone with my mom and Sarah for 2 hours last night talking about it. They're both very happy for me. My dad, however, told me not to bother showing up at any more family events if I was going to have "him" with me. That kills me. It really hurts. I'll never make my father happy, but I've stopped caring. I'll always be his son wether he accepts it or not. He'll always be my dad and I'll always have his blood.
*looks down at Ryan who's giggling and playing with the dog*
I'll never understand why my dad does this to me.
*pulls Ryan's hand from the dog's tail and tells him to play nice*
Well, we've got Father Son time now. So, it's time to pop in the Bob The Builder DVD and relax a little...
*smiles as Ryan screeches "Bob!" Clicks 'update'.*
(Read comments)
|
