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I wonder if things happened different if we would still meet the people that mean the most to us. Or if the people we care about most depends on the people we happen to meet; if the friends that I am going to hold on to are the same friends I would hold onto if life didn't unfold the way it has. And did you ever really think you'd care that much about these people? I don't think we do. It just happens. Think way back, to before you knew these people, before you even knew they existed. It's really crazy actually. To think that you could not know someone one day, and they the next day you meet them, and then before you know it they are someone you can tell everything too. And it's like there was never a time that you didn't know them. It's kind of scary too. Because as quickly as you became close, you can grow apart. Maybe even quicker. It's actually very sad. A friend of mine who graduated last year came back to campus today, and he hasn't kept in touch at all. I understand he's been busy, what with a new job and all. but it's not like he can't call every once in a while to say hi. Especially after I've called him and left messages and IMs. So when he came back tonight and I saw him, at first I was really happy to see him. But then I started to get angry, really really angry. Especially when he acted like nothing was wrong, like I shouldn't have been upset he hasn't called, when he acted like nothing had changed. Because everything has changed. We used to be really close, he was like an older brother even. He used to hear about *everything* and I'd hear about everything he was doing. Not so anymore. He probably couldnt tell you about any aspect of my life anymore, and I couldn't tell you anything about his. Which isn't really important. But what is important is that I started to feel like he had forgotten about me, and didn't realize it until today. And really all I could think was how could he come back like this, and pretend everything was alright? Cause it's not alright. He forgot about me, and I finally started forgetting about him, and now he has to barrel back and I have to pretend like he's still my friend. Well I'm not, and I didn't. When he asked me to go out to dinner with them, I said no. And he said "Is it because you hate us?" And I just nodded my head yes. Because I think tonight I really did. Before, that was his way of getting me to go out with everyone. And even if I didn't go, he just liked to hear me say no, and try to come up with a reason why I couldn't. But not tonight, tonight I agreed with him, and I don't think it was a lie. I think what hurts the most is that I thought he was someone that would never do that, forget about me. He was the person I'd run to when I had a problem with anything, the guy I looked to who would make it better, or at least make me feel better. I guess he was someone I could run to who I could lean on when the rest of the world was leaning on me, and he sort of just dropped away. And I don't think I trust him enough to lean on him anymore. It's worse to make someone think they can trust you only to prove them wrong then to never make them think they can trust you to begin with. Anyway. It really upset me when he came back. And it upsets me that I think Mike might actually like me. Because I can't date him. It would be too weird with him at the flight center. And I know that if I did date him, it would be too weird for him too, eventually. He's very 'sedate' I supposed. By-the-book maybe? It's really the first time that I've had to worry about guys liking me. And I don't really know how to react. I always thought if I knew a guy liked me, I'd be happy about it. But I'm not. I'm not angry or upset about it really. The thing is, its the worst feeling in the world to like someone and have them not like you back, and I don't want to put anyone else in that position, but you can't, well shouldn't pretend to like someone any more than you do. That's life I guess, and that's the way the cookie crumbles. Damn cookies. Post a comment in response: |
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