| Current mood: |  blah |
| Current music: | sometimes love just aint enough-patty smith and don henley |
....wash away my memories....please...
OMG!!! i am SOOO sad right now. There was a MICHAEL BOLTON concert tonight, i got handed 4 FREE tickets at lunch today, but NoOoOoO i just HAD to have a cross country meet. That makes me really sad. But i did get meet Jorg-he's from Germany and he's staying with Dave. He is seriously gorgeous. He has blue eyes to die for seriously. Wow!!! That was nice, but its MICHAEL BOLTON!!!! OMG thats SO not cool. But the race was pretty good i guess. I was mentally prepping myself for it all day. And it wasn't nearly as bad as i thought it would be. I ran 24.50 and thats not too bad. My 2 mile was 15 flat which's pretty good. But...I GOT A MEDAL!!! So that was exciting. I could've done better though. BUt still, im happy with what i got considering how hot it was and how awful ive ran in the heat before. Anyways....
This week has been kinda....i dunno-messed up?!?! Yea, that sounds good. So...Sunday night....just yea. STUPID ME!!! Just goes to show that i am completely and totally stupid. So...basically, to sum it up, i told Alex that i liked him again. And of course, that was incredibly stupid of me because now he knows that he has the power to play with my head, which im sure he'll do. He's so good at it and all. And so that kinda sucks like a whole lot. And so basically, im just incredibly stupid and i dont wanna like him, i really dont. Ive tried really super hard to just FORGET it, but i can't. I have no idea what it is about him, but it drives me crazy and at the same time, i wanna cry. I just really dont like it at all and i wish that i could just erase all memories away. Ive been sitting in my room every night with my yummy apple candle lit and ive been thinking and listening to music-again-STUPID me. And it doest really help. But i do it anyways cause im taht kinda cool i guess.
So...moving on to a happier, yet not subject. Tomorrow's Homecoming. I GET TO SEE FEFFULA!!!! SHe's coming home which makes me really super excited cause i miss her tons and tons and i get to see her, so that makes me happy. But...the fact that its Homecoming also means-Colorguard. Something i used to really enjoy, but theres so much damn drama now that i hate it. I dont want any part of it, it pisses me off like no other. I look like hell when i do it, it just pisses me off so basically it SUCKS. And we're doing it for the parade...blaaah. Thats jsut great...how exciting. Id much rather go with cc cause i love the team and there's no drama, and it'd just be a lot more fun. But no. And that also means sitting in the stands and not even playing-dont like that too much. I'm really not looking forward to it. Then it means i have to wait the rest of the game to wait for the damn dance that i raelly DONT even wanna go to anymore. I wish taht i could do something between now and then taht's really bad that'll get my grounded so that i can't go. I seriously DONT want to. I love dancing and normallly, id be looking forward to it, but considering the conditions-i really dont want to. So, everyone that knows me, knows that i let the stupidest things get to me and ruin the dances. So...im sure that'll happen consider that Alex is most likely going and i WONT dance with him, so i get to see him dancing with other people, and know that....nothing will ever change and im just gonna always be hopeless and pathetic. And of course-Knop just HAS to frikkin go. Of course why wouldn't he?! I'm doing good with that whole thing, im forgetting. And its gonna stay that way. Yes...it will. But still i just really wish he wouldn't go. Must he torture me like that? I guess so...im just in a really bad mood now. Just had to sit here and think about how bad the dance is gonna SUCK!!!! I dont wanna go, its gonna suck. So...Alex is right, i do whine a lot. No wonder no one likes me. I'm annoying, and i do whine a lot, and just UGH! I HATE MYSELF!!!! What a great way to end the night....:-/
but there's this song called Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough-and there's this part that TOTALLY describes how it is with me:
LIKE A FOOL WHO WILL NEVER SEE THE TRUTH, I KEEP THINKING SOMETHING'S GONNA CHANGE
And well yes, i AM a fool because i do think that something will change, but it wont. I need to stop kidding myself. Too bad, i just....i cant do that.
(Read comments)
|
