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Annie (frogdiva) wrote,
@ 2004-02-24 22:08:00
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    Current mood: confused
    Current music:Hoobastank The Reason

    I just don't understand
    Ok this is my frist time writing in this thing...and this is a pretty good day to start. I was having a pretty ok day went to work came home went to the store and tried on clothes...(that always makes a day good) then i came home and got on my computer and the guy that i have been seeing on and off for 2 years was online..OK a little history about this relationship..if thats what you want to call it. I met we will just call him (A.C) I met A.C. 2 years ago. I had just gotten my heart broken by a guy i was head over hills for (not a boyfriend just someone i was really into) well A.C just came out of the blue..we started dating kinda...it was weird..because we were never like in a real relationship. I have always just been with him but he has a thing where he doesn't know what he wants. We have had this up down thing for a long time, He would get girl friends out of the blue or i would find out about him hanging out with other girls. But i was young and dumb so i stuck around. He always tells me that i'm the one for him but i have to give him time. I don't doubt that he loves me its just he's...well an ass. Its been so hard sticking by him but i guess some how i fell in love with him so i have been putting up with a lot of shit. Hes such a sweet guy and i love when we are together ..but i don't trust him because he's well...a slut. I have only been with him and well he has been with all of wisconsin. My friends hate him my mom hates him all because of the way he treats me. For two years i have been in a relationship with someone that can't seem to commit to me. All his friends know me and like me so does his family but their is something going on in his head that makes him want to be Mr. Pimp player. 2 months ago the day before my 21st Birthday i just couldn't take it anymore and i told him i couldn't see him anymore. It was the hardest thing i ever did but i had to. I was going strong with out seeing him even when we would IM me and tell me how he needs me and how i sould be there with him. about a month had passed and i really started missing him and we talked and he started talling me about other girls he was seeing and then told me he has always only seen me as a friend ,,not someone he would be with. Those words hurt so bad to think that i put some much time into a person for nothing. Every night i would cary my little eyes out. Then 2 weeks ago the friday before valentines day he asked if i wanted to spend V-day with him. I thought about it and i said yes . That day i got so pissed off at him when he started telling about other girls...but then he told me how much he loved me and its always been me and how we were going to be together i just have to give him time. Then his friends came over and he was like planning our wedding. Well that was 2 weeks ago and i have seen him a few time since then and its like things haven't changed i'm still in this half assed thing. Well today he just really really pissed me off...just when i thought he couldn't get any dumber ...i asked him when were we going to hang out ...and he starts talking about how his "friend" Erin who ever the hell that is is getting kicked out and he's moving her in for a bit ....ok that just pissed me off...he's trying to tell me shes a friend and thats it...but he's a slut and i think anything that has a pussy cant just be a friend to him. I don;t know why i put up with this....love i guess...I'm 21 years old and i have never had a boyfriend ..well he has always been MY boyfriend...i guess the best way to put it is i have never been a girlfriend....I have no idea what its like the be called someones girlfriend..all because i'm like wasteing time and dreaming that this Jack ass will change. We are so good when we are together but i'm truely starting to doubt that he can change...Their are lots of good thing about him...thats something that my friends and family don't understand they just know all the bad stuff I tell them..but thier is good in him...I just don't know if i want to spend anymore time waiting for someone that may never change....if he only knew how much i really do love him i tell him but i don't think he really understands. I don't know...I would love more then anything to just find a guy that would want to be with me and only me..a guy that talks about me all the time and thinks about me when i'm not there a guy that when i'm with him i know that i'm his one and only. Hoobastank as a new song called "the reason" and it says " I've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be a reason to start over new , and the reason is you"......I want to be someones Reason I guess the thing that hurts so much about A.C. is i'm not worth changing for and it sucks. well I'm still single just in love with a dick maybe he will change or maybe I will become someone elses Reason. Oh well thats the story of my love life



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