°Kat° (forgivemyscars) wrote, @ 2005-02-23 21:02:00

An older blog from myspace.
Sigh

So.. I'm surrounded by AWESOME people.. but I feel so alone. So unhappy. So much like the old Katie. And it's horrible.

Have you ever just sat and stared outside at the rain and just cried. Not sobbing "OH MY GOD" crying.. but silent tears of discontent. I've done it. I did it today. No one noticed I was crying, which was okay, because they would have asked why and I wouldn't have been able to answer.


Do you ever just get that feeling where you dont want to talk to anybody? I dont want to smile, and I don’t want to act happy, but at the same time, I dont know exactly whats wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If I could have anything in the world, it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting, but being alone never was. At least when I’m alone, no one is constantly asking me what's wrong when I don’t know the answer. I feel the way I do just because. I hope the feeling will pass soon and that I’ll be able to be myrself again...but until then, all I can do is wait.



Amazing, isn't it? I modified it a bit.. but it fits me so well right now. Honestly? I don't really want to be alone, but it's what works for now.

I want to find someone... I don't know who it is or what they're like, but I want them to love me.

Just another stupid teenage dream I suppose.


I suffer from BHS - - Broken Heart Syndrome

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