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My Great Escape is scheduled to take place in three years after I'm out of school. I'm going to Ct. I'm going to live with Steven (yes, the exboyfriend). I'm going to get the fuck out of this place. For good. BUT... I'm afraid that it won't happen. I want it to, I really really want it to. But who knows what three years will do to us as people? Hmmmm.. *shrugs* I've been depressed again. No suprise there, correct? It is the holiday season, and I am alone, and I do have to deal with Kami talking about Chris all the time. I'm just depressed. Kami met someone, as I just mentioned. She's so happy. His name is Chris and he's this GIANT. He's 6'7". That's fucking tall. He's really sweet and suprisingly good looking (hah). It just... it sucks a lot. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy that her life is going so well for her and that's she's happy, but it's just such a change. Until recently, I was always the happy one, the one with the life that the other dreamed for and now, I know what it feels like to be her. We've talked about how our lives just made a major 360, and she realizes how hard it is for me to talk to her about Chris, and talk to her about how happy she is. I want to be there for her, I really do, but I don't think that I can listen to her happiness anymore without some serious concequences on my own mental health. And I know how selfish and horrible that sounds, and I know that I'm a mega bitch for feeling like that.... but I can't help it. Maybe I need a break. MAYBE Christmas without her will be good for me. For us. As a family. It's so sad, we can't stand to be around eachother that long, but we can't go a single say without talking. *shakes head* I don't know how we'll do this when she moves out. She says I'm moving out with her, but by the time she moves out, I'll only be 17 or even still be 16. It just.. wowo........... She has a date tongiht.. so does Brigitte.. and so do I? Well, I might. One of Chris's friends might come and hang out at the movies with all of us. Well two friends.. one for Brigitte and one for me. *shrug* confused. Okay... it took me long enough to type all that, I need to get hopping... (OH! and in explaination of the lack of entries, I have a regular paper and pen journal now that I'm putting a lot of my time into. I don't really feel like I need to come on here and tell the world about my life anymore... I just.. don't) Post a comment in response: |
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