Apparently it is ok for me to talk about calculus and English and science while i am in high school,
but it is not ok for me to have a political opinion before ive have me an education, says then man who made racial comments at dinner in the presence of the race he was commenting on.
He said that the AIDs in africa would never be cured and it was useless for the involvement of the united states. He also said that bush was doing a fine job.
i know that u shouldnt talk politics in this family because i; you are wrong because you dont have a job, and you dont know whats like in the real world
excuse me if i must, anyone can read, anyone can watch the news. there are a wide variety of sources in every political field saying the same thing. and im sorry for my self that no one in my family takes the time to understand the international events in the world.
I cannot under stand how someone, who is dying of cancer, and is being treated by chemo therapy , and who has been in and out of treatment for more than 6 years can sit there and say its useless to try and fight AIDs. Right now i am huffy mad, and i do not care who tells me these things, or what is wrong with them. I shouldn't have to have sympathy for someone because they have been slowly dying. It is not my fault that no one wants to hear what i have to say.
and obviously i need to go get me a college degree and work in the real world before i can understand politics. even though it is all so clean and clear.
right now it is not the world i dont understand. it is my own family. everytime i turn around i am being told that i do not know what i am talking about. everytime i talk to someone i am harassed for what im wearing.
i had my unity sweatshirt on with the black and white hands holding each other. my grandpa says you dont understand what youre wearing // fuck. i dont fucking understand him. i know he grew up in the 30s and 40s and he hates blacks. but fuck, im not gonna sit there and have some one that im supposed to love, and whos supposed to love and accept me criticize my friends. i do not even care what he thinks until he says something straight up racist. Then my grandmother tells me well, you are racist to your grandfather and me, and your parents i do not understand her logic and definition of racist, but last time i checked we were all white, but who knows. i dont.
margaret. im sorry for what i said. i didnt mean it in an offensive way. i know what you are going through. im sorry.
i know you probably dont care. and thats fine. right now im living with a family who doesnt care, im reading and hearing about friends who dont care. so in turn i dont care. i feed off the people around me. when i look for guidance and opinion i am told i wont understand. when i give my own opinion im criticized. i dont know what im supposed to say that doesnt offend anyone. i guess i will take a break from being online, from being involved in peoples lifes, from caring about my family, from caring about my friends, and lastly from believing in myself.
because when i believe in myself, people stop believing in me, because i am not believing in them.
im sorry that i am a bitch. that is all that i am. and ignorant, faithless bitch. i am supposed to give my life to god. OF COURSE my grand father would know even though he leaves before communion every sunday. but whatever. people dont have to believe in and act in their beliefs before they try and sell them to someone else.
All that ive learned is the Christian faith in this man is fucked up. and from what i know about the bible and god, is that all creatures are accepted. hopefully he will go to heaven when he dies.. i dont really want to talk to him. i cannot have a conversation with any member of my family without being accused of treason and falsehood.
if i am so false, why would i be going to volunteer my next two weeks and NOT get paid. why would i work my ass off at camp, why would i want to look for a peaceful stance in my community and try to lobby for a better environment in all forms of living.
i dont understand.
i care so much. but i dont understand.
i guess i will know when i get that fancy engineering degree, wont i.
that is all. ive beaten myself with many sticks and im about buried.
i dont know when ill write again.
also, amy if you are reading this. i am supposed to talk to you i guess. i dont know. all i can say with out going into something so private in this public ness is that i am not mad at you..
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