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dreaming fleur (floatingstar) wrote,
@ 2011-01-31 21:59:00
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    falling ...
    so many ways to fall. to fall:

    - in love
    - out of love
    - head first
    - in control
    - out of control
    - in perfect velocity
    - synchrony ...

    the point is, they can so often be so many facets of the same thing. these days, life feels like it's different. it's something i can't quite pinpoint or lay my finger on. i feel simultaneously lazier and more energized. simultaneously more settled and elated.

    i have someone whom i love and who loves me in return. i have a job i deeply like and enjoy and leaders who believe in me. i live in a city i love and which has in turn embraced me. in short, i have all the necessities in life in the recipe for a "happy life."

    simultaneously, it seems like god is smiling at me telling me i'm not ready yet. i always feel slightly out of control and unsure, as if he is telling me: not yet, not yet. your heart is not pure yet, which will emerge the black or white swan?

    i know confidence is what builds relationships and doubt is what tears it down but i always deep down inside, doubt myself. that i'm not good enough that i'm just ... me. but really, i have someone whom i love and who loves me in return ... should this not be enough ...?

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