| Current mood: |  melancholy |
| Current music: | "Strangers in the night", Barry Manillow |
i miss daddy *continued*
..............................................(SHIT! I CANT STOP! CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY!) but my entire reason for living went straight out the window! i....i....was totally fine at first, but then 2 days later...it hit me! my daddy was never goin to hug me or tuck me into bed at night or give me butterfly kisses like we always used to, or cheer me up or walk me down the isle at my wedding or scare the shit out of my boyfriends wen they came over to take me out, no...i was never ever goin to have anything to do with my daddy...ever....again.well it took a lot out of me to see MY daddy that way... and it was MY daddy who had to get that fuking cancer and it was MY daddy that God chose to DIE! ...........................WHY!!!!!!!??????? did he do sum thing to deserve this shit!! did i? did my mom? i used to be sooo fuking happy cuz i was an only child with the funniest weirdest wackiest loving daddy in the entire universe and the bestest most cuddly generous mommy ever and then one day it was gone. i was now a child who had no daddy to spoil on fathers day! who had no daddy to beg for money from!who had no daddy to love and cuddle with! I am the only girl i know who only has memories to cherrish about her daddy....i hate it wen people say, "if u ever want to talk I'm here" WELL U KNOW WUT DUMB FUK?! I DONT WANT TO TALK TO U \! I JUST WANT MY DADDY BACK! I DO NOT NEED A REASON TO BE ANGRY WITH GOD! but mostly i am angry at myself! i am mad cuz to him...i broke my promise... he just wanted me to be there the next day! thats all he asked and wen i got there he was asleep so basically he was waiting for me all fuking day and i never showed up! every one who knows about this always tells me "rachael im sure he knew u were there" OMG!!!!! ARE U PEOPLE STUPID OR SUM THING! HE WAS ASLEEP FOR FUK'S SAKE! HE WASNT PSYCHIC! HE WAS ASLEEP THATS ALL! so how would he fuking know i was there!? HUH?! well it is true... to many people (my friends) he was a second dad to them...even ask tiffany (babynerd)! he made every single day of his life the funnest day for every 1 to enjoy and to laugh and he should NOT have died! I AM SO PISSED AT GOD FOR TAKING A PERSON LIKE THAT OUT OF MY LIFE.................*still fukin crying.....im like having the biggest fukin mental break down........shit* my mom is all i have left and im so scared.............she is already 51 years old....she smokes..... and every day she is complaining that her back hurts or she is too old for sumthing or her knees hurt or feet ANYTHING! and i am just so fuking scraed that God is gonna take her from me next..........................................i just................... i dont know wut to do in life any more..... i am so scared and i feel so alone and i am just........... i feel like i am too afraid to break down like this infront of any 1. i go on in my life and i act like life is fine and good and that nothing ids bothering me but.......EVERYTHING IS BOTHERING ME! I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE! CAN SOME BODY JUST TELL ME WHY!? DOES GOD HIMSELF HAVE SUMTHING FUKING AGAINST ME OR SUMTHING!? WHAT!? JUST ANSWER ME WHAT!!!!!!!!!!????? if any body has a fuking answer please tell me! im am too much of a fuking mental emotional wreck right now to say any more.... BAD NIGHT! (YEA NOT GOOD NIGHT BUT BAD NIGHT!)
P.S.
the song i put for the first part of "i miss daddy" and for "i miss daddy *continued*" is the song my dad sang to my mom at their wedding 26 years ago
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