Heart of Flame (fires_dreams) wrote, @ 2009-06-30 12:55:00

I bashed my head on the radiator last night as I tossed in sleep.
Maybe that account's for my sour mood this morning.
Although more likely, it's the taint of my dreams still lurking.

I dreamt about university, I dreamt about the pointlessness of my life, I dreamt about getting older.
The problem is, all the things I dreamt about are my current reality.
I've passed the age to fit in at University.
But I still haven't moved my life forwards since graduating.
I'm still wallowing in hesitation.
I'm still lurking in my parents house, unguided, unfocused, without goals or aspirations.
For a while, that was ok.
For a while I convinced myself that I didn't need to make a decision right away, that it was ok to wander....
But I'm sick of it.
I'm so tired of being here, in this backwater, hick of a city.
I HATE it here.
Like the teenager I long ago was, I hate the confines of this ... place.
But I've still done nothing to escape.
There are excuses, sure.
My boyfriend, whom I adore, he's still here. His family, my family, all are still here.
I'm broke, quite literally.
But they are excuses.
I'm lazy, and maybe a little scared.
Here is... comfortable, and easy.
Basically it's safe.
It's just not enough. Not anymore.

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