Heart of Flame (fires_dreams) wrote, @ 2009-01-22 00:52:00

Current mood:

restless

It seems I can ever escape the feelings of restlessness.
I had a wonderful day, I was happy, I had fun.
Now that I have returned to my home, now that I'm alone, I feel....
Empty.
Lost.

..
I think I am at the place in my life when I don't want a plan.
I need a plan, but I want to say fuck it all and DO something.
I am here, exisiting.
Day after day, struggling to make it through a job that is going nowheres.
Living for my empty days off.
I want to LIVE.

I have a plan, I have a purpose, I have a dream.
I keeping working towards it, though the work is endless, though my efforts seem pointless.
It's not enough.

Then there is Tim.
I love him.
I ran off to Japan.
It was my dream once.
It was wonderful.
I was empty.

So instead I have turned around and gone the opposite way.

I want a middle ground.
I want to make the restlessness go away,
I don't want to be empty.

There is no middle ground.

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