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Ferris (ferrisbueller) wrote,
@ 2004-02-28 23:23:00
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    Current mood: contemplative
    Current music:Coheed and Cambria

    A really long one, if you don't wanna read, the last two paragraphs are the most important
    Hey, warning: This one's long. The good stuff is in the last two paragraphs. The ones about God and then my friends. If you want to read this, but not everything, just skip to those, they're the most important. Otherwise, read the whole thing and brag about it because you are one cool dude or dudette.

    Today was the first day this weekend I saw none of my friends. It was still a pretty cool day. I went to Best Buy and Borders. At Borders I got the MLA Handbook, and at Best Buy I got the Coheed and Cambria CD. It's pretty good, in a weird, violentesque, morbid sorta way.

    Anyway, I saw The Passion of The Christ today with my dad. It was really well done. I'll admit that I almost cried like three times. I didn't, but almost. It's pretty powerful. My dad said it was really well done, but he felt that the flogging scene was overdone, and that the flashbacks were for him, the most powerful stuff. My biggest complaint was the addition of Satan. He just sorta hangs out on the sideline watching. It's not in the bible, (although other stuff isn't either and I didn't have a problem with it) it's just that his (or from what I hear possibly "her") character was kinda useless. I gotta say that the scenes of him getting punctured with those nails, and then when he's hanging there, and through all that blood and weakness still says "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" is the most powerful part for me. That and where Jesus says, "My God, My God why have you forsaken me?" That's probably where I came closest to crying. I don't believe it's required watching to be a Christian, and I really wish Christians would stop advertising like they do sometimes. It's not helping anybody doing that, and it pisses me off to be blunt. I will say that it helped me visualize things a bit more. I killed Him. And now I can picture how exactly I did it.

    Anyway, back to what my dad said about it having more of the flashback and "good work" scenes. I kinda wish it did too. I mean, at the same time I wanted it to show how bad it was so I dunno. Minor quibbles to a very good movie.

    And so while I'm on it. Let's talk about my dad and God. I don't know what to think. It's almost like my dad believes it, but has some problems with it. One time he told me, "I mean let's face it there's a billion hindus (or was it muslims?) running around. Are you gonna tell me they're all going to hell?" He believes in God. I think he believes in Jesus. But he doesn't really think that accepting Jesus is the only way into heaven. My question though, is if you believe there's a God, wouldn't you think that God would want you to include Him in your life? I do. I don't think that God is just gonna sit up there and watch and make sure you're "good" so you can get into heaven at the end. God's a little more important than that. To me, he should be apart of your everyday life. After all, it's God. I believe that Jesus died for us too. The fact that God would forsake His own son. I don't know if you've ever watched anybody die in real life. I have, well I watched part, and then left the room and heard the rest of it. It's the most painful thing I've ever experienced. And this is God we're talking about. And to have His own flesh and blood die, to have that stain in His mouth permanantly, to have that blemish, that scar there. That's amazing to me. It's not my job to judge who's going to heaven. People who say that so-and-so went to Hell or what not are wrong. They have no idea. They're not the one's judging. And that's judgemental of me, but sometimes, in cases like that, it's okay. Anyway, I will say that Jesus died for everybody up there. Even the ones who did it to him. Because, we all did. I did. The stupid crap that I've done...yeah, give me the hammer. I know how this looks. Really religious. Preachy. Weird. And in a way that sort of bothers me. Because that stuff (done wrongly especially) always sorta has. But I believe it. I'm conflicted with it constantly, but I always come back to it. I find peace in it. I find purpose in it. I find love in it. You don't become stupider when you're a Christian. And it's unfortunate that some people tend to act blind and ununderstanding and judgemental when they are. It gives Christianity a bad name. A lot of stuff does. But in the end, human's still aren't perfect. But we do have the hope for eventual perfection. I'm afraid of typing this, and being misinterpreted. But that's a risk I'm gonna take.

    This weekend has rocked. Hard. Running around. The weather. My brother's awe of my friends. It's all amusing. My friends though, why the crap do I have such freakin awesome friends? I mean seriously, who decided that I was cool enough to know these people? It kills me to think that I may never see some of them again after a few years. And I did go through a "shift", if you will, of friends this year. I met Tim, and (I wonder what he thinks though) him and I are becoming pretty close friends. I love the conversations with Amanda, because she's easy to talk to. We had one last night at Thomas's, and after I peer pressured her (and felt bad about it) into telling me something, we talked for awhile and I thought the conversation was pretty darn cool (it nearly made me late though). I've known Caitlan for years, and even though we aren't probably "closer" friends, we hang out a lot more. Thomas and Mike too. Something I've always wanted to do. Melissa, who pisses me off, but is pretty cool too, and I wouldn't trade our friendship (however based on poking fun at the other it is) for the world. (If nothing else, there's always a laugh at her expense, or mine). Baird, who told me he thought about being mad, but decided against it, is a great friend too. Don't get me wrong, I like a lot of people, see his faults. And there are a ton of people who don't like him. But our friendship is deeper than that, and he's still a good friend to talk to. Tyler, who I can talk about movies, books, and music with (he's cooler than me about movies, I know more about music, so we trade thoughts). I've known him since I've moved here almost. I'm really happy to still talk to him. Alison and I are close enough that, since our personalities are such that we need to be right, we butt heads sometimes. But that's another relationship I wouldn't trade for anything. But when I say shift, I mean that my friendships with Morgan, Jenna, Beth, Alison, and Brad (which pains me every day in math class) are either gone, or definitely aren't as close. In a way that's okay, we all went our seperate ways, and we all still talk and on occasion get together. But kinda sad since we were insanely close for a year or so. Anyway, it's getting towards midnight, and I've had a long day, so I'm not sure how many typos there are and what made sense. But I'm gonna go. If you read this (I mean who are we kidding, people do read these), you're pretty flippin awesome. I'm out.

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