| Current mood: |  depressed |
| Current music: | bleeding through-this is love, this is murderous |
From one who hates himself
Yesterday...good. last night...bad. went to work, hot as anything, got a little busy then left. went to stacys house, somebody was talking smack on her, i told her (if i would've known the consequences) i wouldnt have told her. she got upset, believing every word that they said (which is b.s. because she knows others opinions don't bother me) i don't blame her. everything is my fault. i wish i could take that night back and re-do it. wouldn't of said anything. stacy thinks i'm to good for her? she's to good for me, but i love her more than life itself...like i said last night. i would definently defend her with every ounce of strength i have...also like i said last night. i hate myself for hurting her, but i hate myself more for leaving her house last night because it was 11 (curfew for steve's leaving). i went all kevin when i got home, punched the brick siding of my house trying to ease my pain, didn't work. thought if i didn't sleep everything would be better...didn't work. i am now sleepless and my heart feels like it's ripped out of my chest because of me. their is no one else to blame but me. depression is what i feel, and i deserve that. stacy hasn't said anything to me today (text or phone call), i don't blame her. i told her i'd never hurt her, but i did. i am not worthy of her voice...the only thing i can say is a lyric from bleeding through..."my heart belongs to you, so save me."
*leave one, pity one*
Beware the Militia!
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