Depression has set in, the time for sorrow has begun.
Ya, as the title says, im depressed. beyond belief today. Sean, they guy i like, well i guess he thinks im awesome and stuff and that he thinks very highly of me, but he's so confused w/the stuff goin on in his life right now so he doesnt want to start anything. its understandable but its still upsetting. growl. i guess that whenever he figures stuff out in his life something might work between us, but knowin my freakin shit luck, i doubt anything will ever happen between me and him. i think he's too good for me, but yet again i think that of everyone. especially since he hangs out with the most popular girl in school and stuff like that, maybe thats what brings me down, makes me think like that. but i guess im not completely wrong. well, i know im not wrong, i know he's too good for me to have, so more than likely i should just give up and forget that i even started liking him. but i cant. hes just so freakin awesome its unbelieveable. seriously, he is so great. he's sweet, he listens to decent music (he could listen to better but its ok), he's got gorgeous hair, skin, face, eyes, etc. i swear, that boy is so great. i miss him already and i just saw him this morning. its depressing, thinking about him all the time. its depressing to see him too. everytime i see him, i just want to grab him and kiss him. i just want to plant an absolute fantastic kiss on him, but i dont want to make things harder than they already are for him. i play with his hair everyday, just to have a reason to run my fingers through it. i love doin playin with guys hair, no matter if im with the guy or im just friends w/him. i love playin w/hair, and his is so gorgeous. its like between jaw and shoulder length and colored black and so absolutely soft. i love it so much, i play with it every day. as soon as i see him in class, i run my hands through his hair. he looks at me with his big baby blue eyes and smiles so sweetly. its not fair. i hate this torment. i want it to end. i either want to be w/him or just stop liking him. but i cant have either. i want to stop liking him but i cant. it gets worse everytime i see him. its horrible, i havent like any one this much for a while. i didnt even like my last bf this much and thats really hard for me to say b/c i adored him. the care i have for him is unbelieveable. i dont just like him, i care about him more than anything right now. he is on my mind all the time. oh my god, his eyes tho. his eyes are crystal blue, they are so gorgeous. i hate it b/c everytime i look into them i want to see him look at me the way i see him. i see him in a way that i dont see others. its hard to explain, if i can even come close to explaining it. i just want him to see me the way i see him. he is so wonderful. sigh, im goin to go, i hafta do some things. i have blabbed about my problems for a while now. be back soon enough. hopefully i dont go off and cry again, i already cried over him once today, i dont want to do it again.