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FallenMiaAngel (fallenmiaangel) wrote,
@ 2003-05-31 00:46:00
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    Current mood: high
    Current music:Splender- Yeah whatever

    I had my insurance assesment today to get into rehab. Apparently it's very serious and they want me in a duel diagnoises facility. Considering I have mental issues along with 'chemical dependency' I guess they call 'dirty addicts' now. It's just a euphimism for us in the professional medical world. But I am just thankful I can get the help I need now. I am going to OC this weekend to goto Dan's sister's graduation. I graduate in like another month. I went out again with Dusty and Chris this time in his car and smoked some weed.

    I wrote Matt a letter before I went to bed last night, but I am not sure I want to send it to him now since it has alot of pathetically negative shit in it. I don't want to depress him more. He really fucked with me though when we went out. He just had wonderful ways to play with my mind. I will never be the same again. I used to never use drugs as much as I feel I need to presently, I get more depressed easier, and my suicidal ideations are returning. I didn't care to mention those considering they would probably send me to a psych ward before my treatment. That's what happened to this girl I met when I was in the hospital for the first time for a suicide attempt 2 years ago. November must be a cursed month for me, because I went around the same time I did in '02 when I went for the first time in '01.

    I will get to go away for a couple of days in OC, i'll be returning on Tuesday, because I have things to do regarding going to the DMV to get an ID card since I don't have my liciense anymore, and I have to talk to SSI people so I can possibly get disability money every month from the federal govt. Why not? I paid SS for people who really need it, and now I am in a time of need. I used to work alot until I just wasn't the same anymore. I could work my ass off before, but now it's impossible. It makes me really sad because I used to thrive being the "worker bee" and just work constantly for money.

    I don't know when I will enter rehab, it's over my head currently. They could call me on Monday and say, "Lindsay has to goto rehab by Wed." It's kinda like that I guess. I just hope I won't have to come home earlier so I don't disturb Dan's trip to his parent's house. But I can't help what happens if it does.

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