|Current mood:|| tired|
|Current music:||Corrine Bailey Rae - Put Your Records On|
Denial is my middle frickin name right now...
My mom: are you ok? you look beat...
me: of course, I'm fine...never better...
bah to that...i'm beat...I've been going for 11 hours now...pretty much a typical day for me, but doesn't change the fact that I'm dead tired...
My dad's surgery went fine, he was out in under two hours. I had to leave the hospital for 2 hours to help my brother get a job application and take care of some other errands for my mom. I get back, my dad's heart is in severe ab-fib (i.e., its up and down and bouncing around). Generally normal if its slight, but this is the worst that it's been since his bypass surgery. Its causing his body to tremble, which is a little bit frightening to see. Actually, screw that, its very frightening to see that. He can't keep anything down, but he's on a liquid diet. Their doing EKGs to keep an eye on his heart and see what's up. He was ok when me and Dan left the hospital, but drugged and well on his way to lala land. They aren't sure if its that he hasn't been on his heart meds or the pain that's causing all this. Possibly both, along with the meds for the pain. Its been chaotic today. I'm trying to be up beat, but once again, am denying that I'm worried.
Of course I'm in denial. Cause once I have to deal with the fact that it is worrying me and that I am tired, I have to deal with it. And I don't have time to deal with it right now. Or maybe I'm just not ready to.
I know he'll be ok. He always is. He always comes out ok. But it scares me. This was supposed to be pretty routine, simple surgery. Not a lot of complications, blah blah blah. But they always tell you that to a certain extent.
Anyhoo, I have to go pop two advils, make my mom a sandwich to take back to the hospital, get my brother to his boy scout meeting, then go back to the hospital and figure out what my mom is doing for the night (more than likely coming home, but we'll see). Hopefully, I will get to bed early tonight and then I will do this all again tomorrow, with the addition of the Fox in the morning. Which will at least keep me from the hospital for a while.
I'm already worn freakin thin right now...I don't know if I can take much else. Mostly, sleep would be good right now. That would hit the spot.