|Current mood:|| contemplative|
|Current music:||Bruce Springsteen - Missing|
Soooo, where to start....
I was trying to find a good starting point to sum up the last few months since I updated, but I realized that I haven't really updated (at least for anyone else to see) since before Nashville. Several reasons for that...mostly that most of my updates are half thoughts or half-told stories, because I was busy trying to write and would get distracted by something, shiny or not.
I'll try to do quick summaries for the audience though (whoever you are):
1. Nashville was great. Trip was insane and I may have to save money and fly down there or travel in a car with 20 people so we can switch off. But I had fun. I've decided my life is less colorful with Liz and Erica so far away. There are no two people I miss more than them. There are days when I have a moment, good or bad and I wish I could run outside and 2 minutes later they would be outside and we would sit outside and look at each other and talk and laugh or cry or be angry or whatever. But we could be there together and things made sense, for a second at least, even if nothing else did. So, yeah, I miss them. Life is not the same without them. Oh and I want a music note behind my head, possibly with E3 attached to it if all three of us decide to get tattoos. If not, then just the music note behind my ear.
2. I have worked 3 different positions and filled in for a billion different people in the last few months. The traffic/continuity thing went well, though admittedly the woman who was three time zones away entering stuff was well, special, that's the best way to put it. Anyways, the job got done, I was helpful and efficient, so helpful and efficient that they decided to make me the assistant to the director of sales. I immediately got put in charge of the "Fire Sale" which is the huge sales team extravaganza push to get clients (new and old) to buy air time packages with us. I'm helping put together decorations and ordering supplies we need and coordinating with people in the office who are going to assist with different duties throughout the day and getting food and stuff like that, because this is a huge thing that the whole office gets involved in. I spend a lot of time on the phone. I would say I spend about an average of 7 hours and 30 minutes on the phone a day (that includes morning show stuff and sales stuff). I think this is why sometimes I don't call people. I don't want to pick up a phone. Anyways, between that and the Mayflower Marathon coming up this weekend, I've been working non-stop and talking to people non-stop and scheduling and running around and coordinating. It's exhausting, but fun.
Now, does this mean I'm eventually not going to be on the programming side of things, i.e. I won't be on-air anymore? Eventually, yes. I'm still back and forth on all of this. I can't decide if that's a good or a bad thing. I love being on-air. I'm now over the stress that I was under during the summer of whether or not I'm doing a good job of talking. I've still kinda got people hassling me about it, but now its listeners and not to be mean, but they can bite me. They aren't on air for four hours a day starting at 5am and until they are, then they can say whatever it is however they want (its not a common word I'm mispronouncing, but freaking Norfolk...I apparently say it "Norfick"...did you know its pronounced 17 different ways around here...not only that, but I say it that way because I'm talking fast. I actually do need to slow down, but it doesn't have to do with my pronunciation...gah!). I dunno, the truth of the matter is that I have the probability of getting further ahead if I move on to other parts of radio broadcasting, rather than sticking with on-air work, not to mention that its highly stressful, not just from programming feedback, but from the ratings. The ratings system is old and archaic to put it nicely and the fact that they rely on it to decide whether to keep someone on air or not and its based off of 10 people's opinions and not say 100 or 1000. I mean 10 people, that's not even a 10th of the population in this area. That's ridiculous. Its time for a new system. Either way, as much as I love on-air work and the morning show, I don't really want to do this for the next 20 years. I have other things in mind for myself.
(Wow, sorry, ranting there.)
3. Family is actually doing fine for the most part. My dad hasn't gotten sick recently and is working like usual. My mom is starting to stress about the holidays already and I can see why. Dan is in the process of finishing up applications to MIT, Harvard, Cornell, Boston University, University of Miami and East Carolina's music program. His brain amazes me and his SAT scores frighten me. He's finally got some friends, people who invite him to do things and look out for him and want to hang out with him and there is a girl who for some odd, strange reason adores him and if he ever gets up the nerve, he may ask her out. We shall see. He's actually kind of happy, which makes me happy. He's going to be 18 in about a month. That frightens me too. Mostly because I can't believe he's college bound and worrying about prom and work and all that other stuff. Who can believe how time flies.
4. All that working has helped out a lot in terms of my financial situation. Bonuses, extra hours picked up for traffic announcing and all that have helped me pay off bills that I can really get rid of like my credit cards. Which has made it feasible for me to look at an apartment and legitimately go "Next year, say by February." I still have to see, and I'm not going to pressure myself, but after finding out that Drew would want to live with me and that we'd cough up like 300 bucks a month a piece, which is really feasible, it might be a reality I can look forward too. Well, as long as I don't have to get anymore new pairs of glasses or anything silly like that. (I had to do that this week, and let's just say I was glad to have extra money in my account.) I don't know and like I said, I'm trying not to stress myself out about it or worry myself about it. I've kinda felt like a failure because I haven't moved out, but I was stupid in college and got a credit card without thinking and it just snowballed there. Now, I'm making progress, progress that I can see when I have some money still sitting in my account when the next paycheck comes around. Forward momentum, that's all that matters.
5. I have finally achieved nirvana. Ok, not really. However, (for the moment) I have achieved the point in my life where the one thing that I am not focused on is my relationship or more importantly, a lack there of. Yes, I'm enjoying being single. I am not looking, am not impatient about it and most importantly, am not upset about it. I like the fact that I can stay out late on the weekends, that if i don't feel like it, i don't have to go out at all. All the usual stuff. If someone comes along good, however, I'm trying to float. I refuse to beat myself up anymore because I'm not in a relationship. I'm not knocking people who are. But, I'm happy where I'm at and I'm not going to question it, because I'm here for a reason. Or, I'm here because that's the way it is and there's no point in being upset about it.
I still have things I'm working on. I'm trying to learn to devote time to myself to take care of myself. Doing things like reading books, going for bike rides, exercising, eating right, or just going to bed at 9:00 if I can. My room gets cleaned and then turns into a disaster two weeks later, so I would like to work on keeping it clean or a regular basis. I would like to go through my music and put new cds that have been sitting on my desk since Christmas on my computer. I would like to take time to re-develop my photography skills again. I want to sit on the beach in the dead of winter and freeze my ass off but enjoy the peace that I find each time I go there. I want to go visit Erica and hike the Peaks of Otter, even if we have to wait til next year to go. I want to go visit Liz again and continue to annoy her by letting her make her own decision about where she wants to be, yet at the same time, beg her to move closer to home!! I want to make certain goals a reality in the next two to three years, like going to Vegas to see the Cirque De solei Beatles show and going to Tahiti. And, yes, eventually, I want to settle down, find a guy who can put up with me and who I can put up with and maybe pop out a kid or something. Maybe. I dunno, first we'll see if I can get through the holidays without going broke or killing anyone.
Mostly, I'm just trying to give myself time to be me and to get through the day. Its the most I can do.