I'm just sitting around wasting time. That seems to happen a lot, even though there's plenty to do. I really need to figure out what to do about these boys. I know I can't have both of them, it's just hard knowing I have to hurt someone and I really don't want to do that. Everyone is telling me to just break up with my boyfriend, and actually I want to, because I really think I'd be happier with someone else. Maybe I'm afraid of letting someone else make me happy. Maybe I'm a masochist, or however that's spelled. Let's hope not. I'll just have to get some courage or something. This is hard.