My excuse of being too busy with schoolwork have been repeated so many times that I think it has alienated my friends and family members. In reality, I am not too busy, just too lazy. I am mad, but mostly disappointed in myself for allowing the gradual separation between my friends and me. I am occupied with questions and uncertainties more than anything else. I try to sleep away these pestering questions and self-doubt, but they are always there to greet me when I wake up. I don't want to try anymore. I don't want to go to college anymore. Forget school. Forget goals. Forget happiness. What happened to simplicity?
I wonder what Marco is doing? Wherever he is, I hope he is safe and having fun.
I might become a nun, that is if I get the calling. I wouldn't want to serve the Church, only God. I just learned how to pray by the Rosary. Pope John Paul II announced October 2003 - October 2004 to be the year of the Rosary, please pray for world peace and for your family and friends. I also took up the Rosary because I could use the extra help and guidance. I've been reciting the Apostle's Creed and Prayer of the Virgin Mary at Fatima throughout the whole day. It's either you have faith or you don't, there is no in between.
"O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell, lead all souls to heaven, especially those who have most need of your mercy."
Hopefully, I haven't alienated God.
An sent me the following poem he wrote. He figured if anyone could understand the message best, it would be me. I hope he figured right. I would hate to disappoint him any further.
Wooed from out its microsprophyll, among a thousdand hazel on a hill
where the destined wind will blow, you shall blindly come to flow
to be dispersed by loving fate, to be absorbed at any rate
to strip away your ornamentation, your outer wall of hesitation
and with your extine gone forever, so does your ties to mater severed
to loose yourself in destiny's hand, to fly across teh floral land
until at last your love in sight, upon teh moon's crescent light.
Your hazel stamen, your hazel pleasures high amidst teh catkin's many feathers.
and with your envious pride that you love it with, shall float away with dawning's mist.
oh vernal pollen of vernal longing, seek her pistil not his stamen...