| Current mood: | emo |
| Current music: | Common Rotation __ Princess of Venice |
I've been avoiding this. Making a post that actually has a point to it. I know how you all hate reading long posts. So you don't have to. Eventhough this post actually means something. And I will actually tell you how I really do feel. Truthfully and honestly. So you can read or not it just depends on whether or not you care about what I think.
Ok, so, first, about my friends? That way by the time I get to the end you all will be like "I already read about me so I won't be bad about stopping." Which is fine, i'm not gonna force you to read. Right, well you really can't live without friends. And they're everywhere; i've been around for 7 months. Ok, 7 months and three days. And i've really gotten to know a hell of alot of people; even if alot of them kept coming and going. Most of them stayed and are gonna be here for the long haul. And i'd sit and write about why I love each and every one of you, because I do; really. But that'd take too much time. And energy which I don't seem to have. But just know that I do. I mean, I won't lie, this is where honesty comes into play; there are alot of times where I do get bugged and just won't say anything. Because I love you and I don't want to stop talking to you, even when i'm sad I need you guys around. Like, right now i'm feeling particularly emo; and i'm playing some of Adam's Coro. I just feel better knowing you guys care. And you even notice when i'm out of it or even something little is bothering me. You just know me that well. And yeah; sometimes people do pry when I want to be left alone but I know it's only because you care. Although this is me getting irritated.. sometimes people just need to be left alone. That's why I used to lurk so much. I just like being by myself. But there are some people -- I know this is gonna make some people feel kind of bad, but sometimes i'm in a mood where I don't want to talk to everyone. Just. Maybe two or three or maybe even four people are the only ones I can stand. And I just need you guys to know that I do love you; just.. I need some space sometimes? I'd just appreciate it if I didn't get mass IMed everytime I sign on and people try to carry on conversations that are dead. I understand that it's 'cause we're friends [no one particular, just saying..] and we talk and what have you but if we have nothing to say I just can't handle being bothered with it sometimes. Ugh, that came out completely wrong. Just -- sometimes. I need space. Even if i'm signed on. I need my space. And i'd appreciate it if people gave it to me.
On a slightly related note Maj deserves the best and you all should give it to her. All mass IMing aside, she really deserves it all. I hope things get better for her 'cause I hate seeing her down in the dumps. Ok, I guess this is a shout out thing now? God, this is gonna take forever. If I don't say anything about you give me a break it's the 4h of July i'm emo and I just can't function. David, cult member, is really ubercool and even if we joke around about things alot I do love him. Nate, my brother -- how can I describe you? I can't, you're always there and it's more than I deserve. Marc is an ass but I still appreciate him as a friend. Adam your boyfriend can flash you all he wants I just don't want to be flashed. Alexis we never talk anymore it makes me sad :\ I miss you. Aly is always there, enough said. Amber and I never talk except when I force her to look at my fan pages; WHY? :o Amelinda and I need to meet or something, I want to buy you pretty things. Amy lurks but thats ok.. except now I have nothing to say about her. Chari is going to sing "I feel pretty" with me and we will make lots and lots of cash and she always trys to make me feel better. Danny and I fight hardcore some times but I really do love him in that platonic your fiance is my best guy friend way. Emma and I never went shopping or anything like we were supposed to but that's ok now she has her own life and i'm happy for her. Eric is a lost cult member even if he was only in the first two shows he's still a culty in my book. Iyari is a godess and she needs to realize it before I make her Is leaving.. and i'm crying over it :'[. James I do love you and your hotpockets. Joss is god and that's just all there is to it. Julie should be happy with James and have many-a-hot pockets together. Kelly is my nicky replacement and I love him just as much even if I didn't devirginize him on tv. Mercedes is dead and if she lives i'll go places with her. Michelle and I have been here together for 7 months.. and I can't even start on how she's helped me even though she's just a youngin' and what have you she means so much to me so don't hate on her or i'll kill you :-* Nicky is Nicky.. devirginized him and he takes me to lunch to make me feel better. Sarah.. oh god; I can't even start on Sarah. She's just. Eh. I can't even find words for her, <3. Seth my anon-man I am sure we'll be anonymous again some day. You amuse me, I love it. Tom is my best guy friend because we love eachother and he asked me to be his maid of honor type best person thing; after all the hair braiding and hot pockets he always trys to make me feel better and like i'm worth it even if I totally contradict everything he's saying. No one knows what that means to me. Ali and I never hung out but we have a blast talking and she and I always have the best conversations. Hahahaha ok i'll stop now. Em and I get scared by our own movies. but she makes me "hee" and what have you, and I hope everything works out for her with David. James is dead.. but even after I make him cry and whatnot he still trys to make me feel better about myself too. Don't lurk ok? Thanks. Jesse is my unbiological brother and I don't want to share him with anyone. I'm so possessive. Seriously Jess I love how you care for me like i'm really your sister :-* <3 Kiki keeps leaving and coming but she better stick around this time. Shannon and I are silly together but when it all comes down to it she's there for me too. Anna and I had matching icons until forever. The catsuit days, and goose girl, and the lovely embarrassing picture wars; so again don't lurk. Holly can not crush Faith she lies but it's ok we're violent and that's fine too as long as she doesn't forget I <3 her Keri is the sweetest girl ever, hee. Marla is sort of new but I have gotten so attached to her that even a day apart is awkward for me. We are so alike it's uncanny, and I hope she doesn't leave or else I don't know what I'd do. Rachael has had some rough times and i've tried to help I only hope it gets better for her, she deserves great things ;-*. Paul should praise me more.. no i'm kidding he is great and funny and him and Ali are going to be happy for a long time or else i'll hurt him. Shiri I still love you even if you refuse to IM me and you lurk alot and alot but that's ok, Love.<3. Ste still looks like Joe, oops. But thats ok. Scott called me fat >:o but he made up for it with lots of presents and diamonds and plus I hooked him up with Marla and he's chill.. :x
That took so long I ended up not saying anything of meaning. Again if I forgot you I apologize i'm TRYING to go off the top of my head here but it's not working so well..
Ok, I know you all noticed that I didn't rant about Vince yet. God I hope you knew he was gonna get a paragraph of his own because otherwise you're all too slow. I was planning this honesty post for a couple of days. Some things are kind of hard to admit, which is why even now as I begin to write this out I don't know how to say alot of things. I'll start with the things that are bad and go to the good? I know, gasp, some thing actually are bad.. most of you were around for the fights. Yeah, not good times. But in a way they did make things better. It just lets you know what things to do and not to do. It's wrong for me to say I enjoyed them. I didn't enjoy them. They really did hurt me most of the time but I enjoy the fact that now I know what makes him happy. And now I can say without any hesitation that I really do think I make him happy. I mean i'm the kind of girl that needs constant reassurance, and our personalitys clash some times but I can't say that's in a bad way. He just.. ugh, ok, trying to grasp words here. Having a difficult time. I know you can't forget the sappiness that was the first post from when he came back. What was it? How much did it make me cry? Rhetorical questions by the way.. but everything I said was true. Even if some times it doesn't seem like it, and I don't say it; I mean it. Again with the opposite personalities; I won't say something to him unless I know he wants to hear it. And he isn't going to ask me to say it so sometimes I just don't know what to do, but I know; or atleast hope that he knows even when we're in a fight or what not -- which hopefully won't happen atleast anytime in the near future, how I loathe those fights -- that i'm deeply and truly in love with him. Yeah, mush and sap all in one. I'm not really the kind of girl that usually stays in love. I mean we've all seen my interviews (or you better have) where I say it takes a very special person to keep me in love.. and he is. He makes me feel like I am this extra special person that deserves everything. And he won't let me say this anymore but it is my post therefore I can, I really don't deserve all he's given me. That one night he came back; yeah, I cried. He just took my by surprise and I never felt anything remotely the same to what I felt then. It was just like this enormous gift that I wasn't expecting. Well it wasn't a gift persay, it was just; him. And wow am I on an emotrip. I already wrote too much and I know you've probably stopped reading by now but since i'm here I might as well continue. The fact is we have our moments good and bad and sometimes we can be nauseatingly cute and sometimes we can be.. bleh, but, either way, at the end of the day I forget about everything when he's there. It's like; i've got this whole hectic schedule all day long and everythings going by so quickly and rushed, and then he'll hold me and it'll allllll slow down and be perfect so I can enjoy the moment. God, ok, i'll stop now to spare you all. I apologize for whoever i'm making vomit.
Happy 4th of July. Happy Birthday Ste. And with that, I bid you farewell.
EDIT // Cheesecake is cool, much like Kelly who I already mentioned but oops i'm doing it again. And Nick Carter wants to be one of my bitches. I used to have him as a whore when we sang Britney Spears together and he spammed but I guess he wasn't good enough for me >:o Hah but look now he's crawlin' back ;]. Ok I accept you Nick
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