A Wolf At The Door
It’s almost as if I don’t feel alive anymore. Every bad thing that happens just deepens this pain that has come to embody my existence. The only time I feel the smallest pang of joy is when I am around Jivan, or Galina. My dear Galina… what is this that we now have to meet in secret? Mikhail is the most bitter prideful person I have ever known. He was known for his temper at Durmstrang but he has brought it here ten fold. I can only imagine the rage that he feels at their inability to escape. I am just happy that he did not put his wand to that professor. He handled that moment surprisingly well from what I have heard. I have not seen him since that night, and I don’t intend on seeing him until he approaches me without the intent to rid me of my life. When I left them… I …. There was nothing really running through my head, no direct thoughts. My chest was just aching with the insane realization that this was all wrong. We cannot run! Everyone at Durmstrang was so brave…. And here we are running. And Mikhail…. Although it is mainly his pride that drives him I know that there used to be an ounce of true bravery in him… and now.. He is the one with the master plan of running away. We cannot run away any longer from this threat who’s name is still unspoken! We must stand against Voldemort, no matter the cost. I will stay, and I will fight if it is necessary again. I will stay and call Hogwarts home even if it means losing a lifetime friend to his own hatred.
I really do worry for Mikhail, no… I fear for him. He will bring himself to his own destruction with this inane rage.
Jivan… he gives me the peace that I need now. Just being in the same room as him is comforting. He told me that he loved me. I believe him, I really do. And I love him too. I have no opinion nor comment on what Mikhail might think of this, none at all. I could care less for his negativity with everything good concerning me.
I was walking up to the astronomy tower just now, to be alone to write this entry when I ran into Hermione.. I don’t want to go into great detail about what I felt or feel about that.. But it turns out that when Durmstrang had been destroyed that she had written me. Sure, there are still reasons that I could be bitter or hurt, but there are bigger things I have to worry about.
Ana Kostov…. She frightens me more than anyone knows. There is a strang similarity between her and Mikhail and I fear it is a dangerous one.
Tomorrow morning Jivan and I are meeting Galina outside the Forbidden Forest to discuss things.