|Current mood:|| sad|
You try to hold on the last little kernels of hope, tightly so that they don't slip through your fingers. Only, they evaporate in the harsh Afghan sun. They didn't stand a chance in the heat. Now what? I don't know. I don't have the faintest clue in the world. Just lost and aimless. I want to curl up in a miserable little ball and just fade away. Nobody would care anyways. That's the way it's always been and that's the way it will always be. But not here. Not in this forsaken land where nothing matters. I want to be surrounded by what is familiar, by the things that are supposed to bring me peace and happiness. Even if I had it all I would still be lost. In fact, in a strange sense, I do have it all except for that one elusive thing: true love, true happiness...
You have to hold on to hope to survive. And now that hope is gone I don't know if I will. I feel the pain in my head, because there is nothing left of my heart to feel pain in. It was ripped to shreds not so long ago and man, is the difference stark. I used to feel the dull pain of my heart being twisted and stabbed. Now I feel nothing there. Not even a twinge or a skip. So numb.
I held on to hope for a bit...In fact I held on to it with all my might even though it probably didn't seem like it. I wanted it to be different this time. But alas, that was silliness. I should have known better. I don't have the solution to the curse. I don't have the elements to break the spell. I don't even know what I ever did to have such bad luck wrought upon me. Maybe I was an evil thing in my past life. Well in that case I wish I could be an evil thing again, so that I may not be tortured so...