|Current mood:|| optimistic|
|Current music:||Smashing Pumpkins - The Everlasting Gaze|
"i just live inside myself, forever waiting...."
thats all i can say...bah.
Chris had a talk with me about stuff...he felt i was getting to attached...yeah yeah blah blah...
pardon me if i was in a mushy mood...damn fucking ovaries of mine.
pms->high estrogen levels-> kelly turns mushy.
i dunno there's something weird about him..
something i just don't trust i think...
something that just makes me turn away i guess...and it wasn't even "that talk"
just something about him that gives me a not so good feeling.
and he flaked out on me...his allergies were acting up and he was feeling like shit so he didn't come to visit me.
but he left a message on my cell phone "hey i got out of english early and i'm feeling better you should really come to staten island..."
*presses 7 on cell phone* "message erased"
bleh the more i get to know chris....the more i don't like him...lol
and i'm sorry, but as much as i've tried ignoring it....his voice is kinda gay sounding...lol
that felt nice to get out.
and just certain things he says like "wayne static is sexay"
even though he claims to joke...it just didn't sit well with me...lol
**note to all**
half the stuff i write in my journals is pent up things...as recent as they may seem it's usually pent up things
i have a "rock complex" as i call it.
that i always have to be strong
and not let things get to me...and not cry or show sadness so much.
i'm still working on that about myself...
if i offend anyone one here with it, i'm sorry....but if u don't like it...too bad.
in further occurances...
i just really appreciate my ex boyfriend Steve tonight.
we're just talking about things...things i've kept in me so long it just comes out of me indirectly when i write.
a girl appreciating her ex boyfriend?
i also appreciate Steve's best friend Angel...he's so comical...lol
just love them both very much tonight...
*crowd goes AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW*
ex boyfriends and their best friends rule tonight!
i gotta see rosy this weekend...
and i think i'll pay a visit to missy and michelle...i miss'em.
saw X-Men 2...
WAY better than the first....Halle Berry decided not to do Storm's accent..
screws up the character but hey...
and i don't think Lady Death Strike had the power to heal like Wolverine in the cartoon series....i'm pretty sure she didn't
but in the movie she does....hmmm......
the third X-men is gunna be cool :)
things could have been better hanging with Steve and Angel today...but i was just thinking too much...
WAY too much, and i went mute.
but hey, i'm alright...
talking to Steve right now is just really great and hilarious...lol
he's playing Socom and talking to me...
it's maliciously funny and cute...cuz he gets all evil eyed....love it when they get like that...lol
especially about their games..such passion...lol
heard Steve play guitar a lot today....damn him and his lanky fingers..lol
i would have sang along more...but i wasn't really up for it.
so yeah....next time perhaps.
so what was i thinking about?
just things i pent up inside...
especially things in reference to Steve.
that and things about me...
i know myself pretty well for my age, not that i feel my age.... but i i've got a lot more to learn about "me".
especially how to just not be afraid to cry and such.
that i blame on my mother because she calls me a drama queen when i cry, she thinks i have nothing to really cry about.
well....if she only knew.
i do have to just face that i'm human and i can show emotion at any time i please.
it's just a complex i have...i've always been everyone's "rock" to lean on.
i'm working on it slowly...but i'm working on it.
i think i'll be off....hopefully i'll hang out with Steve and Angel again sometime and just be in the mood to have fun.....not that i wasn't today, but i just let my mind get the best of me...
well...off i go...