|Current mood:|| crushed|
|Current music:||sic transit gloria--glory fades......brand new|
"Because beautiful is what they're selling"
words of mother teresa (i dont know why i picked her but...) "Feeling lonely and unwanted is the most terrible poverty" and im like "Damn! How true is that?" because right now im feeling kinda lonely and its not the kind of lonely where you sit alone in your room wishing you could be somewhere else...ok well i am guilty of that too...but its the lonely where there are actually people everywhere and you feel completely empty...so empty that you think that all of those other people must be figments of your imagination and you have some song stuck in your head thats completely irrelevent to how you are feeling....then you start to feel sorry for yourself ...why do i feel sorry for myself?! hmmm i dont know, maybe because im like pathetic and all but who the hell cares?! not the people you want most to care because they are having too much fun. well guess what...it looks like i forgot to send out the invitations for my pity party...but like i said...no one cares so why dont i just fucking give up...by a show of hands from everyone at my party, who would like to see my hanging from the ceiling or hemmoraging to death in the bathroom or even passed out on my bed with an empty pill bottle still grasped in my hand...oh heck why not? ::cady raises her hand:: so now all i have left to do is go to sleep at 11 or so at night hoping not to wake up, while sulking with my $25 Curious George doll and just accept the fact that everyone in this world will not like me and that i just have to get over it...im not perfect...in fact i am far from but some people dont believe me which is ok because if my actions dont prove the perfect theory wrong then i dont know what will...."barely conscience in the door where you stand"....this is fraction of how i feel and a fraction of what it feels like to not be a person...to not feel whole...to feel like you dont have a structure...to feel like you dont have a friend in the world...to feel so unloved and so unwanted...to want to end your poor pathetic and sorry excuse for a life...to wanna not wake up in the morning...to not care about anything else because you are trying to get the imaginary people out of your head ( you know that ones that are really real )...to feel like you were put on this earth to only suffer...to wish that for one day that the rest of world could feel the pain that they have caused you...to wish that such stubborn people see the errors of their ways and to fix them before something terrible happens...to wish that certain assholes would perish off the face of the earth......................not everyone understands what its like to feel all of those things...some people may feel some but not the others...but to feel all of that and so much more is a problem...its an issue that some people choose to ignore like its normal or something...hmm could i be talking about my parents?! just maybe....they arent, believe it or not, the cause for everything i feel....i dont know if its even one person in general but i guess the world may never know..........................