|Current mood:|| crappy|
|Current music:||im not in the mood|
i hate you anyway
so, my day began peacfully, woke up watched a movie. went to work. and that pretty much where everything went to shit. i find it truely upsetting that every time somthing starts to bother me, everything starts to bother me. not just in that "im in a bad mood, leave me alone" way, but everything that has ever bothered me and has ever been left unresolved suddenly comes back and punches me in my nuts. i get in trouble for someone elses mistakes and all of a sudden i want to kill myself because im 20 and have already screwed up my life and i have no freinds and i hate everyone i talk to. then i start thinking about why the only reason i have a job and freinds is because i really don't want to kill myself and i need somthing to occupy my time with. understandable, i have a few people that i enjoy being around. a few being 2. but on the whole everyone else just doesnt click and unless im in the mood to talk to them they just annoy me. and that mood changes from second to second. and i see all this and i realize that its a stupid position to be in, but it's not like i was standing in line for personalities when i was born shouting "hey, give me that shitty one over there!" i just cant force myself to enjoy stuff. so here i sit, alone and bored wondering if ill ever climb from this pit where ive been for more or less the last five years.