watashi no kokoro ga morikoroshita; Eirhjien ( eirhjien) wrote,
@ 2002-11-11 13:43:00 |
Morning, like meat, is terrible for you.
Someone explain to me why the fuck morning hurts so much. It's like, I could sleep 12 hours, wake up at 10, and still feel like total shit. I'm in a permanent state of hangover. I actually prefer my tequila hangovers to average mornings....at least then I know why I'm feeling like crap. It's veteran's day. And I hate it. I hate holidays where we celebrate the people who killed the most people in a war and survived. It's like "Wow you really showed those Japs!! Go you!!" Ugh. Patriotism is for simpletons who can't see through all this war bull, and move on to make everyone try to get along. Bush doesn't help. He wants to start a war in the Middle East so he can be as big as Daddy....despite the fact that picking fights with angry countries in this day and age is the dumbest thing possible. Yeah, I totally love playing in the ash of nuclear winter, thanks Mr. President. You know why everyone hates America? It's because we butt into everything and appoint ourselves vigilante. If we had just stayed the hell out of the way all these years, we'd still be pretty cool with all the other nations of the world...but nooooo we have to have everything. We have to be the big hero. We have to exploit other countries resources because we went and used all ours up to build more Pokemon dolls and battle arenas for those stupid robot shows. I hate this country. I'm a big advocate of environmental capitialism. It's not impossible. We have enough money to do it, but big business says fuck it and pays the government to keep hush hush. I wish I was insane enough to go on a killing spree sometimes. Never gonna happen though. I'm not crazy enough.
I'm listening to Gackt. mmmm. At least thats something good about today. That and I'm not in school. That's the only thing about Veteran's Day that makes it a worthwhile holiday. Fuck the veterans. They can go to hell where they belong for killing people, the self centered bastards. Kill one man you're a murderer, kill a hundred you're a hero.
I feel like going to Illusionz. I haven't been there in forever because if I did, Ryan would most likely be angry at me for having to look at my face. I seriously don't want to piss him off. I don't want to be angry at him. I don't want him to hate me. I want us to be friends. Good friends. Not like internet friends. I'm going off to college soon enough anyways. Then he'll never have to see me again. Why can't we just have fun while things last and be angry later when we're distant memories? *sigh* It's probably because of me. Always is. I wish I was some kind of relationship genius so I could make things work between me and the people I've loved. I wish I was any kind of genius. Supposedly I am, but I never feel like that. I just feel distant. I wonder if I'm really human. There's times when I'm sure that I can't be. Those are the times I drink, then lie on my bed watching the room swirl, letting myself feel detached in a pleasant way from the world and all the shit I don't understand. Why am I even writing this stuff? Who's going to bother to read it?
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