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† HELLCAT † (drunkinidiot666) wrote,
@ 2004-01-08 19:26:00
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    Current mood: gloomy
    Current music:Bright Eyes, You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will.

    The Truth, The Story, The End of It All
    Alright, I've finally conjured up the balls to talk about this. And hopefully I'll feel better. This, my friends, is a long and very meaingful story. Shit, this is gonna take for every for me to write. Oh well, the tunes are cranked and I'm ready to spill my guts out for you people. And for all the people I couldn't tell this story to, you know who you are, don't feel bad. This is hard for me and I think just putting it in my journal for people to read is a lot easier than me telling it. Ok, here goes.


    The date was September 20, 2003. It seems so long ago now that I think about it. I was getting ready to go to Philly for a concert, The Distillers. My friend Ammon was going to come along. So I'll skip all the shit about the drive to Philly and the funny shit Ammon does....yea. I'm just gonna get to the story. We spent the afternoon at the Zoo and looked at all the animals having sex. Kind of disturbing..yet funny. Ammon had some very interesting comments. After that we ate somewhere, not really important. The show was at around 7 and it was on South Street at T.L.A. Before the store we went shopping on South Street in all the great stores that beautiful place has. (Someone once said ''If I could have sex with South Street, I would.'', well, not just someone said that) Anyway, I got some stuff and some CDs. One of those CDs was Fevers & Mirrors by Bright Eyes, which I bought because someone, I mean, she, told me to buy. I had never before heard this CD or the band. But I'll get to that later. The CD is very important and means a lot to me. You'll understand later. After I got the the stuff I bought me and Ammon went to stand in line for the show. We met some very cool people in that line. In fact, I met a cool chick that like MSI. I haven't talk to her since that show. But the story's not about her, it's about someone else. I had been seeing someone for quite sometime during all this. I really really liked her, well, let's just go ahead and say it, I loved her. With all the deepest reaches of my heart. She lived quite far away from me and as a result we really never got to see each other, but we stayed together through the internet and the phone and stuff like that. I always tried to my best to arrange something to see her, but nothing ever really worked out. I ended up going about 2 or 3 months without seeing her once. Which was rather hard for me. I managed to get her to go to this Distillers show. And it would have been the first time in long time that we would really hang out together. I spent weeks looking forward to this. It was all I thought about, besides her in general and music. You can tell this night meant a lot to me. So, I was waiting in this line, and besides the pleasent conversations with the strangers I met there and Ammon's many facial expresstions, I was thinking about nothing but finding her. Yet she wasn't in that line. I kept my hopes up with the idea that she would show up late. But as the show went on I continued to look and did not find her. The show was that greatly enjoyable after knowing she wasn't there. It was a good show though. After the show we took a cab back to my sister's apartment. I wasn't talking because I was out of breath, and some other stuff. When we got back to the apartment I talked to her and asked her why she wasn't there that night. She responed in a way that disgusted me so much and at the same time hurt me as well. She said she didn't like the band anymore. She didn't go becasue she didn't like the Distillers! Can you believe that. It was then I relised it. She didn't love me, she probably didn't even like me. I never again saw her after that night. I couldn't get any sleep of course so me, Ammon, and Colin Powers and some of his friends went walking around campus looking for food. We got back aroudn 3 in the morning. I was still very upset and wasn't really into talking. Me and Ammon listened a bit to our new CDs and then went to bed. Ammon was fast asleep next to me when I popped in the Bright Eyes CD into the walkman. It was absolutely shocking to my ears when I first listened to it and it still is. And I must admit, I cried many times that night listening to those songs. And when I heard that song (Sunrise, Sunset) it changed me. I heard that line song, that line that moved me in so many ways. ''She was an actress, did you really think she'd stay?'' That's the line. I still get shivers when I hear it. You see, she was an actress, and I had met her at an acting class I took. I still remember those days. The best days of my life. So, it's very ironic, that I should buy the CD that would open everything up inside of me on the night I would forever lose the me. Today I still think of her, and I don't think I'll ever forget her or how she made me feel, but I have to move on because everything has an ending. And this is mine.


    WOW...that took me about 3 days to write. That's on and off of course. That's my story, I don't think I left anything else. So, if your not asleep by now I thank you from the deep regions of my heart that you have read this. You don't know how much it means to me to know that someone out there is listening.

    I think I feel better.

    Yours Truly,

    † HELLCAT †



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