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painfully_sinned (drunkin_monkey) wrote,
@ 2004-01-02 20:21:00
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    Current mood: blank

    What to do,what to do....I simple don't know what to do anymore, everythings swimming through my head,in all different directions.

    For starters,there's the fact that I seem to be the one he wants and yet cannot have, and if I did, than I believe I'd just be another one of his conquests completed, another notch a his bed post, another gurl to tell his buddies about. And if I don't, I'll be stuck wondering what it would've been like for the rest of my life, wondering, simply wondering what if I'd take it when I had the chance, and yet I'm still turing him down,resistings,for fear of afterwards.

    There's the fact that he's playing dirrty....to get under my skin, but that just entises me more, and amuses me more.Argh, guys can't live with em' get live with out em'. There's a part of me, that has always kicked myself for not takin that chance, for not saying yes. Maybe it's just the fact that it's so close and yet so far away. Maybe it's because I just don't care that if something did happen, that I would be 'labeled'. Lables don't bother me anymore. Maybe it's the fact, that he believed in me you could say, when I didn't believe in myself. He saw something that made me want to change.

    Since, the year I met him, I've totally changed my ways, and with it all, he's still come around, he's still the same ol', same ol'.

    Maybe it's just that I'm at my wits ends with things, maybe it's because I'm looking at myself from the inside out somedays,maybe it's because I feel I lack that something, that everybody else seems to have and enjoy maybe what's wrong with me is me....



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