|Current mood:|| gloomy|
|Current music:||Silverchair - Miss You Love|
I miss my love...
I've been thinking about Matt a lot lately.. We dated for 3 months before he graduated last May... we had a lot of sex... a lot.. but we didn't really have a relationship. After school got out, I went to this church thing.. and it made me feel like he really used me.. which wasnt the case because I was to blame just as much... and I was a week late while I was with the church thing. So I came back relieved, yet ready to say goodbye.
So after it all ended, I just like.. hated him for everything.. because of my feelings for him. I got real xanied one night and went crazy.. I wrote him a 15 page letter about how much I hated him for what he did to me.. but I don't know.
About a month after school started back up, I heard that he was moving to Colorado.. I decided that I needed to be mature about our sitatution and apologize. So I called him and he said he was leaving in 4 days. Before he left, we hung out twice. We were closer than ever... yet he was leaving.. All we did was kiss goodbye.
Well we still keep in touch a lot.. He calls me mostly.. But I'm really starting to miss him. I hate it.. There's this kid in one of my classes that reminds me of him so much.. they look and act alike.. and it makes me miss Matt a lot, yet it makes me want this other kid who I don't know at all. Grrrrr..
I feel like I need to call Matt and tell him that I miss him a lot, but I'm really depressed because he might not be able to come home for Christmas because of his job.. He wants me to come stay with him, but being 15 and all, I know my parents wont let me.. damnit.. I don't know what to do .. grrrr.
I need to get real drunk so I can get myself to tell him the way I feel.. too bad I'm going to another damn church thing this weekend :(
I love my Matthew.. :*( I miss him.