| Current music: | coldplay - yellow. new favorite song. |
fantastically apathetic.
I've been having a big problem with motivation lately. I can't force myself to sit down, open up my books, and read. I don't know why I'm having such a big problem with it this semester, as opposed to every other one. I keep thinking maybe it's that whole senior-itis phenonenon, but it seems kind of different this time around. I have this constant overwhelming apathetic sensation...
At the same time, I'm feeling really stressed. I don't quite know how one pulls off immensly apathetic and stressed at the same time, but I'm doing it somehow. I don't know why I"m so stressed out and anxious about stuff. I think maybe I'm just getting really worried about my future... it's about that time where the big decisions have to be made, and I'm not ready to make them. I'm not sure what I want to do with my life, but I need to get on that. Just because I know where I'd like to go to school and what I want a degree in doesn't mean I have much comfort in my future. There are so many things I wish I could have figured out, and that fact that I don't wears on me. I need to get over the fact that right now I can't plan for the things I want to plan for...
There are so many things right now getting me worked up, and they shouldn't be. I know in my head, in my heart, that they're not a big deal, but my silly little self can't help but make bigger deals out of them than I should me. I feel so... messed up.
Things aren't going badly. This is just me, being me, in this mood that I get into. A good sleep under some soft blankets will do me good.
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