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somebody around the office started a vicious rumor that i am a vegetarian. where the hell did that come from? i eat the meat and ah likes the meat (except for red meat..i like a hamburger 4 or 5 times a year, but other than that i think it tastes gross)! in fact, this slate article reminded me how much i like whale. not only are whales intelligent and cute, but they are tasty creatures to boot. and you know what else i like? fowl. chicken, duck, goose, guinea hen, turkey, you name it, i love it to death, expecially when in conjunction with butter, garlic, shoyu, lemon or capers. YUM. also beloved by me: seafood and shellfish. especially tuna and salon and crab. and i wouldn't say no to rabbit, veal, lamb. especially veal and lamb. you know baby animals taste way better than the full-grown kind. i have no problem with vegetarians. they can do whatever the hell they want because, really...why would i care? those seattleveg.com commercials are starting to piss me off, though. oh, i'm so much better than you because i don't hurt the animals and i'm all moral and shit, and that's what gets me man. if you want to convince me to stop eating the meat, you need to use the Fast Food Nation approach, okay? tell me the horrible dirty details about cows wallowing in manure and eating food that has been sprinkled with livestock waste and that thing about how they kill the animals in terrible ways so that they're scared when they die so the noradrenalin or whatever floods their system and makes the meat taste weird. see, that stuff--that might work. it hasn't yet, but that's because i figure EVERYTHING i eat must be bad for me or worse. anything that comes in a package with a list of ingredients that is more than two items long is probably not as good for you as fresh produce and grains, and even that crap is generally industrially grown. preservatives, artificial ingredients, pesticides, synthetic fertilizers, this and that. the way i look at it, it would be hypocritical of me to cut meat for those reasons and not cut all pre-packaged foods and fuck me if i'm going to be one of those fifth-level vegans who don't eat anything that casts a shadow. cookies are beautiful. three muskateers bars are glorious. twinkies have a time and a place, but it it is that time and i'm in that place: fantabulous. so, right. that other thing about it being immoral to eat animals. fuck that. i don't have morals. morals imply standards of right and wrong and i don't believe in right and wrong. and seriously...if we didn't eat them, they'd eat us. you know it's true. but if anybody asks, my one-liner answer is hitler was a vegetarian and that's why i eat meat. Post a comment in response: |
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