| Current mood: | Broken |
| Current music: | Ingrid-Be ok |
I dont know...
I'm just tired...over worked, under paid. But then again who isn't these days...I'm looking for something in this world of broken glass and empty boxes. What though....what is it that I want so badly. Once I thought it was happiness...but...we all change so often that what brings us happiness is lost and short lived. I thought I wanted to marry and start a family. And look where that got me, in a worse place then I was befor and confused...so very confused. I miss the city...I miss my true friends...this place is toxic and sick, makes me restless and unable to sleep normal hours. I miss the smell of smog and the sound of dump trucks combing the streets and gawdawful hours of the morning. I miss that nasty greasy chinese food we use to live off of. But I don't know how to get back there....how to start all over again. I'm scared that I'll fail.....I'm scared of so much. What if I find no one, I know people say I will but what if I don't....I don't want to live this life with no one. And I'm so fucking scared that if I do find someone they'll try to change me. I know I know change...is good. But not stripping ones entire being and making them into something they never wanted to be....I dont know, I think maybe I'm just human and sick in the head always wanting more and never having enough. That is how we're raised there days with our throw away phones and replacable everything.....I'm rambling, thats what happens though when you work 13 hours in a day and your on your 8th day straight
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