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I was measuring out beans for the morning coffee today when, all of a sudden, the Snow Joe machine (which is like one of those big plastic slurpee machines at 7-11) flew off the auger, hit the counter, and shot Arctic Lemonade not only all over the kitchen, but all over the counter, the cafe tables, and the cafe floor. It was terrible. My jaw seriously dropped for a good 30 seconds. Before the thought of "Oh, shit, I'm going to have to clean that up" set in all I could think was "Oh, shit, that was the most amazing thing I've seen in a long time." hen I found out that the ice machine was broken so the poor fix-it guy had to walk in on a sticky lemon mess. This was exciting? Man, I'm lame. Well, then I got hit on by customers/coworkers ALL DAY! I must have looked hot or something because I am not kidding, I was flirted with by almost every male customer that walked in. It pays to be on a diet, I suppose. Yeah, right. Anyways, my two favorites (technically three) were these two guys that came in together. They were wearing really nice shirts and business slacks and ties and sat outside for a bit talking about business stuff. They were pretty hot. And young. Probably between 24-26. They hardcore hit on me and I was eating it up. Gosh, that feels good, getting hit on. My absolute favorite, though, was the weirdest guy (in a good way) that has come in so far. He looked like he belonged in ZZ Top, only more clean cut, which is kind of an oxymoron. Anyways, he was well over six feet tall, gray hair and cool beard, HUGE smile, and was so freaking nice and left a big tip. He wouldn't stop smiling and he taught me how to make a drink, and even though he was old (I'd say late fifties) he was totally sexy. Isn't that funny? This is getting way gay. Sorry, Steve. Just skip that part next time you go back and read all my old blurties like you always do. Okay, here's the best part. So, I come home and one of my neighbors is outside talking to some guy I can't really see and I think about going over to talk but I'm like, maybe it's a deal, I don't want to interrupt. So I head into the house and their door is open (very strange) and I lean over and wave to Johannas*, who's on the couch, when I notice the older white guy on the couch. Weird. A little later Kara, Jessicka, and I are downstairs and there's this awful banging noise coming from next door. I go out back and yell out, "Hey, are you guys trying to break into our house or something?" thinking they're just fucking around like they always do. This big guy with a sledgehammer comes over and says, "No, sorry ma'am, this is a police search. We have a warrant." Very weird. I run inside and tell Kara and Jessicka who don't believe me. I half don't want to believe me. Poor guys. We snuck up to their kitchen window and there's a cop sitting there with gloves on, labelling stuff and putting it in manilla envelopes. In Johannas' room we can tell there's flash going off. Apparently, at the same time, a friend of theirs just walks into the house and has no clue what's going on. She goes upstairs and they handcuff her, throw her on the bed, and grab the dog. Weird. I didn't get the back story until later when Lleweylen* was outside smoking a cigarette. Turns out Johannas had been busted a couple days earlier on the way back from Vermont. Had 7 lbs. of marijuana on him. Fuck that. $2000 bail. Fuck that. So his lawyer told him they would probably try to get a search warrant. This is where I start feeling not as bad. They got rid of most of the stuff in the house, but they had been cultivating shrooms. Guess what the cops found. Yep. So, my neighbors were apparently the #1 dealers in Harrisonburg. H-town is gonna be dry. Fuck that. *Names have been changed to ridiculous looking monikers to be funny. Post a comment in response: |
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