|Current mood:|| lonely|
|Current music:||F4AF - red is the new black|
suprised i came out alive
i think tht yesterday was the day tht i was meant to die! i think tht i was just meant to float off into nothingness.. i sat on the bed and saw this little baby...tiny but a new life that would grow into something big....and hopefully it wouldnt make the same mistakes that i have...then everything went rly rly quiet...and i just didnt feel like i was there. then i thought...am i actually here...have i replaced myself with the baby...have i been replaced with the baby????i felt so awkward.they kept asking me if i was pregnant.then i was halloucinating...thinking tht i was, tht my dreams were tru..i kept saying "i cant be...but i am scared i am" and everyone was like how can u b if u havent done anything...and i just got confused...i was so scared tht i was, but then i knew tht there was no way in hell (or heaven) tht i could be.
butit has rly scared me, i cnt stop crying..i get sharp shooting pains thru me tummy. they thought i had an ovarian cyst...i cried even more- tht is wot my mom had tht stopped her having kids...it was such a shit day...i dint get to c mari, kerrie or martin.i just wanted to c tht lot...but i rly did think i was meant to die...i dont kno y i am still alive rly! spose i just snuck bk thru to the world!
i wont do tht again.i have cried too much today and i rly dont feel like stopping. just want to cry for the rest of time.just sit in a corner...i just dont deserve the life tht i have.
i lvoe u guys...thanx 4 being nice to me...