| Current mood: |  blah |
| Current music: | Portishead - Give me a reason |
Analyze this AND that
I was in a good mood. Now I'm just... blah? I don't know. Not mad at all. Just somewhat sad for some odd reason.
I seriously think I have insomnia. I can't sleep. I get so restless at night. It's not even at night actually, but just generally. I can't seem to stay put. I get this horrible feeling of dread whenever I pull into my driveway or come into view of my street. I feel anxious, nervous, and get all pissy. I don't know what's wrong with me. I find myself sitting on my front steps till about 3 am or so until I decide that even though I know I probably won't get much sleep, I should be in bed anyway. It's as though my body is exhausted because I really am so incredibly tired but my head won't shut up. It thinks so much. It analyses everything and it won't stop! I can't take it.
On the other hand I got proposed to today. The man of my dreams.... The blue shorts, the green suspenders, the knee socks, the ferarri hat. I think I'm in love ;) 4 yr old Joseph wants to marry me. Least that's one man- well a quarter of a man- I can count on. Least today he actually aimed for the toilet.
I spoke to Eric briefly. He was busy and sounded tired, and even though he said he'd call back I wasn't gonna persist. I saw him yesterday... good enough I suppose. Sometimes I just wanna hug him, or link arms with him, or just flirt with him in public like I normally would do with any guy I like, but I always feel so hesitant. Kind of like, "ok... should I? Does he want me to?" His body language doesn't say much unless we're alone. Buuuuut... I am happy that he had asked me about what I asked him. Earlier yesterday I had told him he seemed really moody with me. Normally he would let it go.. but he asked. So, yah. I wonder if he notices when I tell him I miss him? I do. Even though he's right in front of me I miss him. I feel like I can't have him all to myself unless we're alone, which is normal I suppose.
Ok. Seriously, shut up. Stop analyzing every god damned thing. I need pills. Holy.
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