This is just a place as is any other place that words connect and form sentences and we decipher these words to make sense and believe what is being written as the form of what is the idea of another being's thoughts.
Time has a way of catching up with people. It has caught up with me when I least expected it to, and in doing so has caused me to rethink some certain descions. Sheltered deep within my soul is a heart cloaked in the shadows that binded me and kept me safe when I needed it. I linger now in a self state of confusion or depression trying to figure out what's with this life? My inquiry lead me back to the past as I ran into someone who held great meaning to me over a year ago... alas, the meaning deminished but always remained deeply cloaked within the shadows of my heart and slowly, as I reacquainted with the one who I thought was lost forever to me, a shallow stirring in the shadows blinked a small light. I know how I feel, and I know these feelings can't be denied for too long, but they shall remain subtle... they will remain unsaid and unscathe the soul who's current torment surpasses my own.
I don't want to be a rebound. I don't want to be anything more than a friend to the one who held me close. She kept me safe when i was alone... in the shadows, behind steel doors where danger lurked in every corner. Her spirit was with me... and it left me... I knew when it happened... I knew what had happened even before I knew.
Was I betrayed? Was I in the wrong? Did I do or say something wrong that forced her away from me? I think it's cause I hated him... i didn't really know why, but I knew his antics urked me to the point of irritation, if he wished to be notice then speak! Speak loudly and be seen! That's something I'm good at, If I want to be heard, I get heard. But he was shallow, and fell deeper in his own despair and dragged as many as he could with him, that's what i didn't like about him. I was seeded with hate for that reason. I use to call him friend, but never again. I know not what lies he might of seeded, or what lines he might have used, but what ever he did to make my angel lose faith in me.... It really pulled the rug from under me.
What did I do? After being freed from my dark prison, I began my life again, starting out as a vagabond... very uncooth. The experience of being homeless is all to overwhelming to me. I seeked the aid of any who would give it, and finally found shelter in doing so. Secured a job and started over... that was the drill wasn't it? I was taught how to survive, how to pick up the pieces no matter how hard you got hurt or how severe your wounds might be. Just pick up and go.
I picked up everything and returned... returned here. I seeked shelter of loved ones and returned to my family. Here I remain preparing and planning my next adventure preparing my self for another risk. Picking up the pieces and moving on. That's what I was about to do... then the circle closed around me once more and I found her in the most unlikeliest places.
.... but this is enough for now, time is all I need to devulge more into this wonderful journal and in time, maybe the best yet told story is to come.
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