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johnnythehomicidalmaniac (deadat14) wrote,
@ 2004-08-02 20:35:00
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    Current mood: sad
    Current music:105.3

    thoughts of my best friends
    i really hate when i make myself cry. i just read a bunch of stuff from before/during/after the end of the erica/chelsea world. and i realise that it's far too late for the i wish i could have told her this stuff, but no matter how much i loved and still love chelse (and believe me, i do love her) i could never love her as much as i loved and love erica. and i wish that she weren't so far away right now. i have no idea where she is anymore or if i'll ever see her or even talk to her again but i wish i could just attack her with a huge hug. because i feel like one big sobbing hug would at least give me closure. i haven't talked to her, i mean actually spoken to her for almost two years. i haven't spoken to my first real best friend in what seems like forever to me. and while i am happy now, and while i love mia dearly. as much as i loved erica, i never hurt her like i hurt erica. i never fucked her over like i fucked erica over. and she isn't too far away to apologize if i ever did fuck things up. i know erica can't read this, and i know she can't understand how much i love her and want to tell her that i love her. i really wish mia was home. both my best friends are far away from me right now. and mia can make me feel better, because she understands about the whole erica thing, she understands and she isn't jealous of erica and she was there for me when everything was so bad. when i was breaking down sobbing in the middle of algebra. she was there through the worst time of my life and she's been there ever since and i love her and i want her to get the fuck home from french camp and be with me because i haven't been with her or talked to her for over a month and for me that's too much. especially on the eve of a gum graft when i am waiting impatiently for franz ferdinand tickets to go on sale and i am crying about erica.

    times like these i really need my mia.

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