| Current mood: |  anxious |
| Current music: | COME SEE MY SHOW |
Q as a D
I am aware that I have not updated, or rather truly updated, in over two weeks. But nothing really entry-worthy has happened, because I've been having fun. Laymorations have been kept to a minimum.
I have been rehearsing for my show, "Crazy for You"-hoo, and spending some wonderful time with the brilliant, the talented, the gorgeous...Casey Cohen.
But today, at a juncture within the usual day's rehearsal, 10:40am to be exact, a Nissan Accura pulled up in front of the theater. Today I would go to a Dodger game with my dad. I was excited, yes, but...we were to go with Ron. That's right, Ron--a lawyer friend of my father's whom I had seen once before in my life.
He had been described by my mother as "a card". This man is not only a retched card, this card happens to be the god damn instructional card that you receive when you buy a deck that you usually throw away, but splattered with erroneous printing ink, littered with bite-marks from a deranged toddler, with the Las Vegas Tropicana logo embossed on the back.
The only memories I had of him prior was when I was a ripe eleven, and the three of us saw a Dodger game. All I remember is that he spilled tablespoons of deli mustard on my white tennis shoes, and I WAS PISSED.
So this time, my dad and I arrive at the Stadium, me in a beige baseball cap that has written across the front in red "BULL", with the entire contents of an SPF 45 sunscreen bottled drenched all over my arms and face, both against my will.
MOM: (Earlier that morning, hands on cheeks) "Ryan, you are simply going to toast!"
After getting some food, we sit down at our designated seats and discover that Ron has not arrived yet.
Sometime during the second inning, Ron friggin' tap dances down the cement stair slabs, sporting his LA cap.
He takes an ol' load off next to me (I'm in the middle now, with my dad and Ron on either side) and begins yelling loudly to my dad over me, in a whiny, nerdy New York accent (like the Dad from 'Honey I Shrunk the Kids') while leaning on my knee--"Okay, Richard, so get this! I was tied up at the uhhh-uhh whatcha-ma-call-it with the uhhhhh, and so she says, 'I'm not paying for this load of bullshit!' and so finally I got here! You see, that's how it is Ryan, in your Daddy's work. Let's get us some damn beer!!"
An inning later, as I'm trying to watch the game, Ron begins to awkwardly flop around in his chair, shouting angrily into his cell phone, nerdily still. Suddenly, during a more calm moment in the game, at the top of his lungs: "SHE'S A FUCKING IDIOT! FUCKING...ID-IDIOT!! Fucking Lizzibeth!"
The entire row ahead of us, shocked, wheeled around. To remedy the situation, Ron half buried his face in his shirt sleeve and continued to talk in trembling tone.
The three teenage girls in front of us whisper and decide amongst each other that Ron is queer as a deer.
Meanwhile, their epitome of white trash father decides to strip off his tee-shirt, revealing years and years of sun damage on his skin, with huge color splotches and moles. Pleased, he begins to grunt and jumps up on his chair and stands up, hoping to appear on the "Smile Cam".
And, apparently, if the Dodgers can keep the opposing team from rackin' up any pointeroo's at all, everyone in the stadium gets a little prize with the proof of their ticket stub.
So meanwhile the inning resumes and the Rockies score a homerun, finally getting some points on the board for the first time. Ron then grabs my shoulder violently, getting relish all over it, and says through a blusteringly full mouth of hot dog, "Vthere goes my fucking fwee Kwispy Kwemes!!"
The Dodgers wound up beating the Rockies 4-2, and that was that.
And, for the record, I simply toasted.
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THIS IS YOUR LAST REMINDER!!
COME SEE "CRAZY FOR YOU" TOMORROW, FRIDAY, JULY 23rd AT T.O. HIGH! THE SHOW BEGINS AT 7:00pm AND TICKETS ARE $$FREE$$!!!!
And, additionally, if you cannot make it at 7:00pm, you can come to the high school at 9:25am for the dress rehearsal.
And, in further addition, my actual birthday is on July 25th in THREE DAYS.
And, in an additive state, if you happen to be in Hawaii right now, and plan on missing both of these paramount dates, then frankly, I hate you. T.E.H. + C.W.H. rulezz
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