| Current mood: | kinda numb kinda not |
| Current music: | "i remember running through the wet grass..." |
life-y.
life keeps getting.... life-y.
i don't feel like alot has changed but i still keep counting how many days i've been 26 years old. i am now on 24th day of being 26 and i keep expecting some kind of epiphany will overtake all the senselessness i experience. but so far nada! and i am forced yet again to wake up each day and make sense of it all. honestly though, so far so good.
the fact that i have to wake up and to sit in front of george (mon PC) to make scripts, or get to a shoot, or edit to:
1. be able to eat
2. help send a brother to school
3. pay for at least one bill (while my brothers take care of the rest)
.... it kinda helps put things in perspective.
i have also noticed that i seem to know more about what i'm talking about during meetings. there seems to be less hesitation on my part to voice out concerns regarding treatment for shows, schedules, etc, etc, whereas before i always opted to shut up, should i say something stupid, even though i feet like we were making a big mistake.
i feel like benefits are in the horizon. and not working for a network right now has kinda opened up more opportunities for me. i don't get payed any better right now, but the fact that i'm meeting other people and getting other kinds of projects that don't have as much pressure has cleared my head some. so what i have to do and get done ASAP is more apparent.
long term goals are on hold though to give more brain- and heart- space for the immediate wants/needs (ie thesis (wish me luck dear friends, last sem na ito!!!)).
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a minor victory:
i finished editing a whole episode of the show i'm doing with hastyteenflick. i did the jazz ep and i would have to say i didn't do such a bad job. i'm kinda proud of it. and i like being an editor. it has improved my concentration some.
(very special thanks chookie and moe!!!)
and on that note two things:
the show airs on JUNE 18, on ABC 5. it's every saturday, 6 to 7pm.
(the jazz ep airs 2 sats after.)
and thanks mikah for providing the contacts.
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i've been exteremely heartsick over Ch. it's true that the friends-with-benefits set-up never end as dramatically as it starts. and i'm beginning to think that women can't just have sex--- specially with someone who tries to be friends (or maybe is pretending to be for the sake of not being guilty about the whole thing because i have it on good authority that apparently men are capabale of feeling guilt.... hehehe....).
damn you oxytocins!!!
so today i declare that it's over.
and you? we're good. i still wish for your happiness.
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so more or less.... sometimes more. sometimes less. but good.
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