|Current mood:|| productive|
|Current music:||Black Eyed Peas - Where is the Love?|
The Fitzly Times
REGIS HIGH SCHOOL INVADED BY GERMAN EXCHANGE STUDENTS, AND HELD HOSTAGE BY A COMMUNIST PIE! Details at 11.
Sometime over the past week, Kevin Fitzpatrick was spotted attending tours at Fairfield University, Quinnepiac University, and Trinity College. Out of the 5 colleges now seen, Fitz claims his personal favorite to be QU, but no definite plans have been set. When reached for commentary, Kevin shot our reporter.
No news for school. Fitzpatrick claims everything to be going according to plan, and insiders tell us that means he's not failing anything by a long shot. Upon hearing that, this reporter nearly climaxed in surprise.
After an extraordinarily positive audition for Anton Chekhov's "The Seagull," Regian Kevin Fitzpatrick failed to appear at an audition for Shakespeare's "Hamlet," after Director Rita Pietropinto switched the fall plays. Fitzpatrick claims he wasn't informed of the switch, contradicting Marymount student Amelia Markel's earlier testimony. Sources close to The Fitzly Times tell us Fitzpatrick will re-audition via telephone on Monday, and fully intends to go through with the show.
Conversely, The Regis Repertory presentation of "Guys and Dolls" moves along in the production stage, despite continued sucking.
Today, production of "KILL DAN," the first of the Regis High School student films, wrapped. It stars Daniel Rios as the title character, as well as Kevin Fitzpatrick, Carlos Molina, Paul Ryan, and Andrew Scagnelli. Fitzpatrick was also the assistant director to Mike Ponterotto. Test screenings of the 2-minute film have been enourmously positive. "We shot it all last week, edited it all today and yesterday in post production, and now it is the greatest motion picture of history," claims crackpot Fitzpatrick, of Ponterotto/Fitz Productions. "There was no writing actually, heh. That was the first day we got the camera, so we were experimenting and learning how to use it, and it snowballed into collecting about 3 minutes worth of footage. So when we got around to learning transferring film to the IMac and learning the editing techniques, we ended up making a really good and funny movie. No Asian slurs at all."
Mike Ponterotto, the director of "KILL DAN", will be independently helming the sequel, tentatively titled "KILL DAN II: The Legend of Dave Carretero's Gold," to begin production sometime over the next two weeks. No word on whether or not Fitzpatrick will return for the sequel.
Meanwhile, Fitzpatrick, the assistant director and antagonist of "KILL DAN," will be helming its prequel, tentatively titled "The Last of the MohiqueDans," to begin production at approximately the same time.
Review of "Underworld": It sucks.
-ROCK STEADY MUSIC-
Sophomore William Hehir of Regis High School announced this afternoon his plans to propose a downstairs rock concert at the upcoming October 17th dance to the student council on Wednesday, October 8th. No explanation was given for the seemingly short notice, but laziness was assumed to be the motive. Hehir provides lead guitar and vocals for the newly renamed "The Nites," featuring seniors Timothy Scarella on rhythm guitar and vocals and Kevin Fitzpatrick on Bass and backup vocals, as well as sophomore Louis DiLorenzo on drums. The Nites have been the only band thus far to publically announce their intent to perform.
Kevin Fitzpatrick will be also featured in the Regis music magazine, The Edge, writing a review of Hilary Duff's album, "Metamorphosis." No survivors are intended.
-THE HOT SPOT GOSSIP-
What in the holy hell? Villanova freshman Amy-Lauren Sheyer apparently sent Kevin Fitzpatrick a package, breaking their four-month silence, which was delivered Thursday. After numerous Anthrax checks, examination revealed the package to be a BITCHIN' poster and positive birthday card. Sources claim the two have now regained speaking terms quite famously, and intend to hang out sometime over the next month. Whether or not Anthrax will be presented at that date remains a mystery.
In other news, it's my birthday this Sunday, and I will cry if I want to.
Until Next Week Losers...er....Readers...
Kevin "You know what reminded me of you? A Spanish man on the subway playing "Samba Pa Ti." But those dont make such good presents." Fitz