| Current mood: |  crushed |
| Current music: | The Dillinger Escape Plan - Unretrofied |
i still stick by what i said
and if it's easier for you to hate me, then go ahead. i've done more than my share of hurtful things to you, from the lies, to haley, to the lies again. but this skyler, this is not me going out to hurt you. don't put up that hard ass attitude you do everytime you get upset. i don't want to be your enemy, it's just more painful to try to be something with you missing, then being something without you. does that make sense? I hope it does.
You need to see it from our side. Here is our friend, who is amazing to hang out with and great to be in a band with, but he only comes over if he's got at least 2 of his other friends with him. Is that a back up plan incase we bore him? Or is it so he can use them as an excuse to leave as soon as possible? Sometimes it feels like you only show up to make us happy...not that you want to be there, but because we want you to be there.
A while back we all decided we'd just watch you, see how well you interact with us, see how often you come around. It's pretty rare man...even you can admit that. I mean, how do we go from when we were hanging out day and night, to this?
Your real friends came back. And before you get defensive, honestly think about it. When you became our friend, it was right after you were kicked out of ToRQ. We hung out at Bruce's birthday party, and the next thing you know, we started hanging out always. You were our friend...our brother. And it was this way up until Bug Jam. Rob saw you as Sick's ticket to becoming popular since you know how to command a stage, and then all the sudden you were MIA with us. Once you healed things over with those guys and joined their band, you were hanging out with them day and night and we pretty much only see you when you aren't with them. It really feels like we were your rebound band and backup friends, and this is why we didn't want to force you to show up to practice. Bug you to come hang out. Comes if it doesn't come naturally to you, then that's not who you are. The band you are in, THEY are your best friends. And this is okay, we wanted to stop lying to ourselves, pretending you would come back like you were. But it ain't going to happen. Sky, go ahead and make what ever decision is going to suit you best. I'm not going to fight for or against you anymore.
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Last night I went to the Lamb of God show. Every Time I Die was alot cooler than I thought, and Atreyu pretty much played all the songs i knew they would. All the bands sounded really amazing, and Lamb of God was fucking crazy. Their singer looks like such a bad ass. It was just so fucking hot. Thank god we went and got dinner afterwards.
Today I'm putting the new song on CD so Brandon can start demo'ing vocals for it. And then I'm going to hang out with Jenn. I just don't want to keep my mind on the stuff with Sky, cause it's just going to depress me. It's not like I wanted to end up this way. It's not like I'm happy with the end results. I just wanted to stop pretending things were different.
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